Sunday, December 30, 2007

GOODBYE 1970s.

Hey there...

I'm going to bed now and waking up Thursday well rested for school. It will be like New Year's never even happened. Except that it will be 2008.

Chances are, I won't be a total hater and I will end up eating a nice meal with people that I like.

















From what I remember, a fun thing to do after that is go to a house party.





















But there are other options.


















Spin the Bottle is a good game to play on icy driveways at 3 am.
















You could also try and get a kiss without the help of the bottle. You could just be nice and funny and toss your hair or put on lip gloss while making eye contact and then quickly look away and then look back but not too fast or you're fucked and not the hot sex way.














So have fun but try not to feel ill the next day.












I have never really been one to get hungover but I have realized that the older I get the more tired and unproductive I feel the day after hard partying so it's only a matter of time before it escalates to yarking in a garbage can beside my bed.














Anyways, hip hip hooray for 2007 and I can't wait for 2008.
















Happy Birthday to Emma Dickinson today and Sarah Allan/Darina Novotny tommorow.





















There's enough love to go around so y'all can just relax.
















Without Emma, my third sister and oldest friend, my childhood would have been far less entertaining.

She is foxy and fairly energetic.



















This is for Emma because she does a killer Busta Rhymes impression and I think of her everytime I hear this song. Which is a lot.


Without Sarah I would never have had as much fun as I have had BLOGGING IN 2007 as it was her bright idea in the first place.

This is for Sarah because I would like to hear it in her presence because it's fun and so is she.


This is for Darina because she is an around the way filet.


This is for me because it's totally true.


So thanks for coming and see you next year.













LOVE,
NICOLA

Friday, December 28, 2007

Waking The Gods

The Godheads are sleeping.
It’s their divine Siesta time.
At the appointed hour, they will be
awoken by the resident sadhu monks;
who will bathe and feed them
and dress them in today’s choice
of creamy silks and crimson robes
- ready to greet their adoring public.
That’s when the piped music will begin.
Shlokas will be spoken. Lamps will be lit.
And the doors to their golden shrines will slowly open.
There, beneath the luminescent limestone pinnacles
cross-legged in sockfeet upon the milky marble floor,
I will give thanks to Lord Vishnu for bringing her back to me.
I will give praise to Lord Shiva for giving us this second chance.
I will offer my blessings to Ganesh and Hanuman
for granting me the strength to form those
three-little-words
in my gullet once more.
Om Shanti my friends. Peace be unto all.

Neasden’s Shri Swaminarayan Mandir: Daily Murti Darshan

Thursday, December 27, 2007

The Eighth Wonder Of The World

Old Father Thames is 535-metres wide
as it meanders around Woolwich Reach
in search of Gravesend and The Nore sandbank
and the open epicontinental sea beyond.
Standing guard against the threat of storm surges
sit the steel-plated sentinels of The Thames Flood Barrier;
their foundations sunk deep into the London chalk below.
Water levels continue to rise.
The British Isles continue to tilt.
These steel-plated sentinels stand firm. For now.
There are those who have claimed the barrier
to be “The Eighth Wonder Of The World”,
but in truth it faces some pretty stiff opposition
for that much-disputed of titles.
There’s the Acropolis of Athens for one.
And Cambodia’s Angkor Wat temple complex for another.
Then there are the 2,000-year-old Banaue Rice Terraces in The Philippines.
And the monolithic Moai statues of Easter Island.
There’s Istanbul’s Hagia Sophia cathedral.
And the Panama Canal.
And the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
And the Eiffel Tower.
And the Moscow Kremlin.
And the Empire State Building.
And the Sydney Opera House.
And Emperor Qin Shi Huangdi’s vast Terracotta Army.
There’s even the artificial Palm Islands in Dubia
and the Astrodome stadium in Houston Texas to consider.
Not to mention King Kong and WWF wrestler André The Giant.
(Both of whom are now sadly deceased).
However, to my mind, the main problem with
The Thames Barrier’s claim, is that it’s not even
the biggest moveable flood barrier in the world.
No, that particular honour goes to The Maeslantkering
- which is located in the Nieuwe Waterweg waterway in Holland.
Well, that and the fact that The Thames Barrier
would appear to closed to the public on a Bank Holiday.
Even thought the website said it wouldn’t be.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

NOT JUST FOR A GIRL...FOR A GUY TOO.

The summer of 1970 started out like any other...

GO CHRISTMAS!

It was a hit. As I said, the best gift is money and I got some. Not really, I mean I did, but it's not.













The best gift is time and showing people you love that you love them and I've been given lots of time to spend with my family, in Ottawa, and over the past couple of days in Kingston.





















Some of the time was probably given to me to work towards getting my driver's license, considering my learner's permit will expire in 2008...

I got it quite some time ago.
















However, the inability to drive has offered me far too many joke opportunities and I am not about to pass that up just so I can drive downtown when I'm in Ottawa to catch up with peeps at the Brig. BeSIDES, the poutine from that shack on York Street tastes like lettuce.

Boriiiiiiiing....
















WHASSUP?

Remember a time when mash-up was something ELSE?

Did anybody get turned onto Green Lantern's New York State of Mind mixtape four years ago or whenever and totally LOSE THEIR SHIT?!?!









I LOVED that mixtape. It was next shit to me. And I still think it's pretty dope.





















It doesn't matter than any Tom, Dick or Harry can do mash-ups nowadays. I can barely turn on a hairdryer (maybe because I blowdry my hair about 4 times a year) so I think all kinds of shit that probably isn't cool is awesome.





















I think THIS is awesome and that might anger some people, mainly music snobs.



The Strokes and the artist formerly known as X-tina Aguilera are both rock and roll in their own way.




















I recently rediscovered this cardio gem when I came across a CD entitled "THE RIZZ: Spring Break 2005".





















"The Rizz" is my brother Alexander Lachlan Young. Or so they tell me. The Rizz won BIGGEST FLIRT in high school.

















And he'd probably still win it today as he abides by the gospel of David Wooderson.
















"I get older? They stay the saaame age..."
















Geoff Heintzman? That's another story. Geoff looks like shit in a kilt. Geoff is practically married. Which is a blessing and a curse.

In that I'm blessed that my brother's best bro would never take any romantic interest in me because he is cursed with looks unlike that of a Greek GOD.






















This is my boy Dionysus aka Bacchus. He is the Greek God of WINE and ECSTASY.

This brings me back to a mythology class I took on the 4th floor of the Hall Building in 2006...

I wonder what my prof, "single and loving it" but destined to die alone (because she is romantically/sexually enamoured to an unrealistic degree with mythological figures), would think about my Greek God of-the-moment...Stavros Niarchos.






















Hey! Stavros! Easy on the Hilton! You have a shipping heir reputation to uphold!

SCANDAL IS A NEW THING!













Hmmmm....

Back to the mash-up from above, I listen to it at the YMCA.

I would never ever work out to Genie in a Bottle on its own and I would never listen to it otherwise (no offense, Noelle).





















Hard to Explain, that's another story. It rules, whenever, wherever. Like Shakira. Or so Katie and Noelle tell me. They like to talk about how Shakira's SPANISH LANGUAGE ALBUMS ARE OFF THE CHARTS (outside of North America). At least I think they do. I'm never sure. Because they're ALWAYS SPEAKING SPANISH.

I have nothing against X-tina Aguilera. Girl's got pipes, no doubt.

And I think she looks incredible on the cover of Marie Claire this month, all tanned and pregnant and sexy mom-2-be 'n shit.





















I just think that Genie in the Bottle is not her best work, although she won the Best New Artist Grammy for that album and wore a fun and flashy silver dress to accept it, and I respect flashy anything.


















Now I have to go and watch NOW AND THEN with my BROTHER AND SISTER.





















The kissing scene is coming up and if you knew how many times I've acted that out in my life, you'd probably lose your mind.





















Where were you in ninety-FIVE??

All I know, is that if anyone ever asks if they can kiss me while These Eyes is playing, I will definitely do it and that is a promise.


PRE-TEEN SENSATIONAL NOTIONS OF ROMANCE...
Nicola Jane Young

Sunday, December 23, 2007

BUZZ, YOUR GIRLFRIEND...WOOF!

MERRY CHRISTMAS ANYBODY!


















Christmas is HUGE in Japan. Yesterday when my dad was driving me to Orleans for Devin Atherton's family Christmas party, we were listening to this thing on CBC where they were like in Tokyo talking to Japanese people in the midst of the Christmas rush, asking them if they had heard of Jesus. Pretty much no one had heard of Jesus but they all sounded VERY excited for Christmas. My mom told me 2% of Japan is Christian and I believe everything she says.

This is for my sister Hilary (and her Jewish roommmate Lindsay Rogers aka my friend Lindsay Rogers).



Yesterday Hilary told me I made a mistake. She said the puzzle wasn't 10 000 pieces. I told her I knew that, I just made up a bigger number like how I make up a smaller number for other things. Not really though, I can't lie for shit which is a blessing and a curse.

Hilary taught me something about Home Alone. Apparently when I saw Home Alone when I was 5, I heard...

You're with the French called "les incompetents".

And I never ever thought that it was anything else because that's just what I heard.

I HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED THAT THE LINE GOES LIKE THIS...

You're what the French call "les incompetents".

It's kind of like how I thought OMC's How Bizarre went like this...

"Help is on, help is on, help is on, help is on"

Sounds like HOW BIZARRE, right??






















I learned of THAT mistake early on and so I was never the laughingstock of the entire school.

It's kind of like how Alliy Brown told me Julia Doran thought TLC were all "Go go Jason Waterfalls" 'n shit.





















Funny thing is, I've said that line from Home Alone many many times over the years and no one ever called me on it. I guess it's because IT SOUNDED THE SAME AS WHAT LINNIE SAID.

Anybody? Anybody??

Did anybody order me a plain cheese?

Does anybody remember THIS??



This is for Darina Novotny and it contains an important message for everyone.


This is David Beckham and his Emporio Armani underwear contain a very important package.
















UnFORTUNATELY, the alien that is POSH SPICE is the one who deals with it and I don't know why, but I think Posh is THE WORST SPICE GIRL EVER and I usually buy the US edition of ELLE magazine because I think it's WAY MORE FUN THAN VOGUE but not this month because it features THE WORST SPICE GIRL EVER on the cover and I will not support that nonsense.

Nevertheless, check this out.















I don't like Victoria Beckham because I actually picked up this book at Chapters once. I never liked her but when I heard of this book because of her, I liked her even less. I wasn't going to buy it, but I admit, I looked through it briefly. I was just curious. And curiosity KILLED culture??

And I am perpetuating this skinny bitch Hollywood nonsense by including it on here.





















"If you can't beat'em? Join'em!"

That's what Pam Anderson said in regards to that awesome show V.I.P.

Maybe I just wanted to show you THE WORST SPICE GIRL EVER'S CRAZY BREASTS that she CLAIMS ARE REAL that have PERMA HARD ALIEN NIPPLES made of STEEL.

Not cool.

Pam Anderson's breasts, on the other hand, are awesome.

I LOVE PAM ANDERSON.






















I love when I catch a Christmas episode of Baywatch, when you know that inevitably, somoneone is going to produce fake snow in hopes of a BJ and Christmas in California will be a magical thing.

This is for Ian Mortimer and it contains an important message for everyone.



My mom showed Hilary and I a miracle today.

She actually said "Do you want to see a miracle?"

And we LOVE Christmas miracles.

















My mom's Christmas miracle was the beauty of the grate option on the Cuisinart and it is indeed a wondrous sight. She was grating cheese for the fancy lasagna she is making me that has butternut squash and pecans and also grated cheese, of course.

Another Christmas miracle is that since I said "whatever" to turkey and the like when I was 13 years old, my family has gotten a lot better at making me interesting holiday meals.

I was talking to my gurl Katie when I came across my mom in the kitchen and Katie who only said "whatever" to turkey when she was 19 or 20, said "Oh you're so luckyyyyy, my mom won't make me ANYTHING cool!" and I told her "Don't worry, you get used to it and every now and then you get pleasantly surprised" kind of like how you get used to how it's only like every 6 months that you...find yourself thinking about meat lasagna as though you were a carnivore??






















This for anyone who wishes soul fever hadn't gotten the best of James Brown last Christmas.


This is for Katie. It's her favourite song and so it should be!


Hey Katie. Did you know that The Colour and the Shape was remastered and re-released with extra tracks in June of this year??

ME NEITHER!

Hey Katie. Did you know it's been 12 years since we got Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness for Christmas??

Hey everybody. Do you ever think about the last time you asked for a double CD for any occasion? Birthdays? Promotions?? Graduations???

In relation. Congratulations to KATIE for FINISHING HER UNDERGRAD. That's big news. I will miss her when she leaves Montreal. But I would love to take over her apartment. I'm just saying. I'M JUST SAYING!!!

And this is for Paul Johnston, who explained how to put a video into your blog quite some time ago but I never really understood and I was always really mad at him for not explaining it to me properly but I learned yesterday that he DID, I was just too impatient to deal with slow internet so I thought he was fucking with me.


This is for Jenna Bond.


This is for Noelle and all Lazaros actually.


Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

It's time for a lovely meal with my family and I've just been informed that we're taking a picture and I'm still in my cardio sweat from 2 hours ago, not to mention spandex capris and a pit-stained Hanes undershirt.

GREAT!

You're so vaiiiiiiin. I bet you think this blog is about you!

LOVE,
NICOLA

Saturday, December 22, 2007

EARTH GIRLS ARE EASY.

Life at 136 Dorothea Drive is REALLY exciting.

I eat cookies and watch television, my hangover is off the charts.

I almost went to a bar once but instead I went to South Keys multiplex with my parents.

















One time when I was 15, Dave Adelberg and I went to see THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS at SOUTH KEYS MULTIPLEX and then we played AIR HOCKEY like it was good flirting. A week or so later we found ourselves rolling down the hill at Mooney's Bay after we went to the LEBANESE FESTIVAL and went on a VIRTUAL REALITY RIDE IN THE 3rd DIMENSION.




















That is some LONG HAIR. I bet you a dime she's a Mormon. The coolest nannies in my neighbourhood growing up were, and I was jealous of the girls they looked after. MANE ENVY. I had short boy hair because my parents didn't want to deal with that shit and their nannies would do their hair cool everyday, french braids, fishtails, curly hair one day, crimpy the next...JEALOUS.















French braids. So after we rolled down the hill Dave Adelberg and I tongue-kissed or as the teens call it these days "FRENCHING".












Then I never called him back eventhough my dad told me to (and told Dave Adelberg that he TOLD ME TO CALL HIM BACK which made it THAT MUCH MORE EMBARASSING) and I went to France for the rest of the summer and commenced a cycle of awkward romantic behaviours that plagues me to this day.

Dave Adelberg is a really nice guy and he was really nice to me a few years later when my heart was ripped out and it wasn't even like that, he's just a nice guy.

















MAYBE I SHOULD FACEBOOK HIM AND TELL HIM HE WAS A DEAR FRIEND TO ME BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM WAS ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO WHEN MY HEART HAD BEEN RIPPED OUT AND I WASN'T MUCH FOR CONVERSATION OR REMINISCING.






















So after I got back from TEEN CENTRAL MULTIPLEX, I wrapped my Christmas gifts while this really awful movie (with Reese Witherspoon as an uptight ghost and Mark Ruffalo as a sad widower) played in the background. I never even tried to change the channel.

I'm with the French called "les incompetents".

So my mom was putting together the following 10 000 piece puzzle in the background.














And I was like "You know how sometimes, you just want to watch a really bad movie?? Like, y'know what I'm sayin' MA??"

And she was all "You're not my real daughter" 'n shit.

Hilary Elizabeth Young excels at puzzles too. And I'll never win Scrabble either, BIG DEAL.


















Truly, it is a big deal and it keeps me awake at night which is bad because I have to get a good sleep so I'm ready to eat more cookies and watch more television like it's as hard as Sophie's Muscle Toning Class, the bootcamp clique I haven't been to in about 3 weeks and in Hollywood they might say I have the TELL-TALE BUMP but I know better than that because to make a baby you need to DO IT and you can't just not and say you did and get away with all those carbs. OR NO ONE WILL ASK YOU TO PROM 3 TIMES.

You can't just get into a hot tub with a supersperm stud and get knocked up.
















But you CAN get pregnant from tongue-kissing or as the teens call it "GETTING THERE".
















Risk-free actitivies include grade 9 on 10 HJs at TEEN CENTRAL MULTIPLEX and mutual masturbation.





















Under the Christmas tree let's-pretend-to-do-it-but-not festivals are also risk-free in the advent of borderline girlfriend rumours??














No way...really??




















Well I'm only here for like 2 weeks so like, bring it??

"If you wanna be a femme fatale, you can't rest on your L'Oréals!"

You must go for REVLON. Outrageous. It smells like let's-make-out-like-teenagers.

















ANYWAYS...

Hilary made me watch THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA today, it's just that I'd seen it before not that I'm not too cool for it, I heard a rumour I'm "obsessed with fashion magazines" because I "live in Montreaaaaal" and I also KNOW THE SCOOP ON HARD DRUGS BECAUSE I LIVE IN MONTREAL therefore I DO A LOT OF HARD DRUGS IN FASHIONABLE OUTFITS...??

So I found myself going on about Heidi Klum as I sometimes do when I run out of things to say.

















And Hilary rolled her eyes and told me "EVERYBODY loves Heidi Klum..."

So THEN I said "But I thought everybody loved that Ray Romano guy!"

















And then my MOM said "No! Everybody loves PECORINO Romano! LET'S EAT!"
















And THEN my DAD said...

"I love Gisele Bundchen. And she loves me."






















I did my best to make some of my favourite funny boys come over for an Ian Flemingathon but it appears that there is a HOCKEY GAME TONIGHT and that my number one boy is JENNA BOND which is fitting.

Get it? Bond. Jenna Bond.



















I know. I know. Christ you guys, I KNOW!

Sean Connery.





















Yesterday, today and tommorow....

I'll take the rapist for five-hundred any day of the week over ROGER MOORE.

But Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman pre-med is SIIIIIICK. As my dad said at dinner yesterday.

Well he wasn't talking about Jane Seymour. He was just talking about teenspeak.

After my sister asked "So what are you guys saying next weekend though?"

Next weekend? That's a whole WEEK away. Make this one off the charts.




















And don't forget.

MUTUAL MASTURBATION.











STAY SEPARATE.



PEACE Y'ALL!