1969 Was A Good Year For Adderbury

1969 was a good year for the village of Adderbury.
It was the year it was voted "Best-Kept Village In Oxfordshire".
I know this because there's a commemorative plaque
nailed to the wall of the Village Institute
which stands proud testament to the fact.
Tonight, in this quiet Oxfordshire village
(noted for its 15th-century parish church
and distinctive honey-coloured Horton stone cottages),
a grey-haired man stands beneath a painting
of a cornfield at harvest time.
He plays washboard and demi-jar
and sings a song about the outlaw Jesse Woodson James.
That man is my father.
It's my turn to be proud of him for a change.
In the village where he helped me make my first mud pie.
In the village where he gave me my first haircut.
In the village where he read me my first comic-book.
In the village where he showed me how to kick my first football.
In the village where he fed me my first
soft-boiled egg.
In the village voted Oxfordshire's "Best-Kept" back in 1969.

Not Really Much Of A Leg Man

I find myself disagreeing
with Bukowski on this one...
See, I've never really been much of a leg man.
I prefer a girl in plimsoles
to a girl in high heels.
Generally speaking.
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I like legs for sure.
Legs are nice. Legs can be fantastic.
Legs feel good when entangled
round the small of the back.
But they're not what turns my head.
I prefer a tight fringe to long flowing locks.
I prefer a pair of spectacles to contact lenses.
And me? I've never been a big fan of make-up.
Still, that said, there's always
someone out there with the
ability to come waltzing along
and blow the whole thing
clean out of the water.
Like a torpedo. Or a depth-charge.
Preferably when you're least expecting it.

Return Of The Prodigal Jarvis

The scarecrow hair
and the bug-eyed astigmatism.
The epileptic twitches.
and the razor-sharp corduroy elbows.
The tongue in-the-cheek
and what must
surely be the longest index finger in popdom.
All are very much present. All are very much correct.

'Don't Let Him Waste Your Time' promo video