HOME-STRETCH HERO HILARY ELIZABETH YOUNG 4 PREZ.

THE OTHER DAY MY SISTER E-MAILED ME IN A JEALOUS E-RAGE.

From: Hilary Young (hilaryoung@hotmail.com)
Sent: November 18, 2007 6:58:21 PM
To: one_fat_fish@hotmail.com

DEAR NICOLA.

next time you have time to write 4000 words in your blog, make it 3000 and write my 200 word email. OK?

i'm going to make you shirt that says:

WILL TRADE SISTER FOR BLOG

i'm JOKING. i have to go finish editing my essay which, upon review, sounds like a 3 year old threw up on a paper. SUP YOU GUYS I'M READY TO GO HOME NOW.

From this I concluded that I should probably create a photo-essay about how cool she is??






















And ramble on about how much fun we have together writing rhymes??

AHOY! THAT SHIP HAS SAILED!

Once upon a time there was an epic rap group called THE POSTAL SERVICE, a name derived from the way in which their bass-heavy grind-dance jams were created (SHARING SNIPPETS BY MAIL NO DUH) for smash success despite the fact that the rap group's two main members lived in different cities/time zones.












Fact of the matter is, this epic rap group is actually known as DOUBLE DUTCH DUMPTRUXXX, but everything is else aforementioned is based on real-life events. The name DOUBLE DUTCH DUMPTRUXXX was derived from a shared love of an incredible collaboration between two skipping ropes, dumptrucks, mispelling everything, and all things x-rated.

Particularly X-mas...






















And X-tina Aguilera...





















At the time, it didn't seem like the use of XXX was totally cliché eventhough repeated listenings of Frenetiko were at an all-time high that month.

My sister Hilary and I are the founding/only members of Double Dutch Dumptruxxx. Our shit is really underground and basically the only thing the general public can get their hands on without venturing 8 miles in, is an awe-inspiring archive of promotional images as created in MS PAINT circa 2006/early 2007.

It took a t-shirt to raise a child.






















And it took just 6 minutes in Claire's tween boutique to pen our #1 single 'YO HO (A PIRATE'S LIFE 4 ME)', take the promo shorts for the album cover, and get promptly thrown out into the cold hallways of the Rideau Centre in a manner reminiscent of the closing shot of the opening sequence of Fresh Prince.

















Some compare us to the hard-partying Hiltons...











And sure, we like to dance all night as much as the next cnady-raver but let it be known that our drug of choice is, more often than not...CARROT CAKE.














The only white stuff we'd travel 5 miles for at 6 am would be vanilla icing (FOR OUR CARROT CAKE OR EVEN JUST FOR A LONELY SPOON). We don't fight much, but we do engage in healthy debate over relevant world issues.























It's an on-going discussion which began on the eve of THE BIG VISIT last spring.

















"THINKING AHEAD, THINKING AHEAD" as our father likes to say.




















He also taught us that cats make silly pets.














And he encouraged us to practice our German.














And nurtured our love for the djembe, simultaneously urging us to march to the beat of our own drums.






















Which we chose to interpet as "Throw sick house parties when your moms and I are out of town."

















Some may say this was a rather creative interpretation, but we still developed a life-long/loving relationship with Ladysmith Black Mambazo at an early age, by way of a little thing called Graceland.























Dr. John G. Young tried his best to instil in us the belieft that shopping is a spectator sport at best, and one that is always secondary to gardening on any given Sunday, which we really took to heart.


















Above all, our father presented us with ground-breaking role-models.





















And by that I mean, "OUR MOM'S THE SHIT!" as she taught us to ZIP UP OUR PURSES among other important things.

In conclusion, we double the fun.












And we can't WAIT for Christmas!

















Stay tuned for the exact time of Hilary Elizabeth Young's long-awaited mid-December arrival in Montreal and meanwhile get AMPED!






















My brother Alexander Lachlan Young made this for me for Christmas last year, to be strategically positioned for ritual prayer sessions before going NIGHTCLUBBING.

IT WORKS! IT REALLY WORKS!

We'll be hanging with our bro at Christmas and raving it up YOUNG TRIAD STYLE in FESTIVE ATTIRE.

















BACK 2 THA GRIND/FRIDGE.

Relax! Relax! I wrote her an e-mail too!

ONE MORE THING!

Happy 23rd Birthday to my dear friend Nathaniel Heaney, he who has likely never read mein blogenstein and might not even know what a blog is, but that doesn't really matter. Nathaniel housed my birthday party back in August and I had a blast and I hope he likes the cake!

WAFFLES! WAFFLES! WAFFLES!

Where WAS I...Sophie's Muscle Toning Class, that's right!

Sophie makes me nervous and excited...if I say goodbye or hello or thanks for the crazy muscle toning Sophie (I've never said that), well if I say any of those things, I consider myself really really brave because anyone that I think is awesome that I don't know particularly well makes my eyes dart all over the place and my words fall all over one another...



















Sophie dyed her hair. It's brown. Now she didn't know this but part of what makes her bootcamp so fucking raw is her unabashed love of peroxide.






















Now her hair is brown. So is mine but I'm okay with it because I toyed with blonde from August 2006 to December 2006 and it all ended with me looking like Gwen Stefani (blonde hair DARK EYEBROWS) and it was sort of cool but only for about 3 days because I soon realized I had to wear really cool clothes/make-up all the time and that would be exhausting.




















Right?! Now Sophie was out of the YMCA a while back and then my schedule changed and it's only been in the past week or so that I've been loving on her muscle toning skills again...

This girl came in a few minutes late and the class is like really crowded these days because it used to be next shit and now it's hot shit everyone knows about I guess, probably because I TALK ABOUT IT SO MUCH IN MY BLOG AND ALL MY 40 YEAR OLD WOMAN FRIENDS READ MY BLOG AND THEN GO TO THE SAME CLASS AS ME AT THE YMCA (downtown location).






















You think this is some kind of sick joke?? There is actually a middle-aged woman who wears tights and a bodysuit and legwarmers which I think would be incredibly uncomfortable so I can only conclude that she gets her unique fashion tips from THE BACK OF THE MIRROR.






















This came from something called American Apparel Exposed that now-defunct Clamor magazine did in 2006. It's hard to see maybe but it says "Unfortunately her brand devotion to AA could never land her a spot in one of their ads: Dov Charney thinks short hair is unnatural."

There was another one that said "Meet Melissa. She won an unofficial wet T-shirt contest held at the American Apparel apartment in Montreal.” but it's next to impossible to find the image.

I know, I know....working at American Apparel and talking about how it's not that cool to work at American Apparel and how some people who work there seem to think they are really hot and cool...well loving and hating Amerian Apparel are EQUALLY HIPSTER THINGS TO DO THESE DAYS.

That said, one time Lauren Cook called Dov Charney at around 1 am and he later called back around 4 am to ask what we guys were doing and this was also the night I ate barbeque soy nuts with peanut butter and thought this was a pretty stellar combo.


So this girl comes in and is all up in my REALLY CLOSE IN FRONT OF ME but then I totally totally fell in love with her because she is a ROCKET who makes every little thing into some superfun dance move and I thought I was feeling Sophie's DOPE FRENCH DISCO more than anybody but apparently this girl was FEELING THAT SHIT because she was basically Rosie Perez in the opening sequence from Do the Right Thing.














I would have told her I thought she was a dance rocket except that what if she started talking and sounded like Rosie Perez?? I would scream and say OH GOD I WISH YOU HAD JOEY LAUREN ADAMS' VOICE BECAUSE IT IS MUCH LESS GRATING THAN YOUR VOICE!!!






















I would have circled Joey Lauren Adams or pointed arrows at her with the MS PAINT SPRAYPAINT OPTION but that would have totally ruined how incredibly crazysexycool this picture is. You don't agree? Wipe that face of your head, bitch.

HO-VA! HO-VA! HO-VA!























I read the Jay-Z interview in Rolling Stone yesterday while standing at Chapters after I picked up some funny stuff from the BARGAIN BOOKS section for Christmas gifts...it was a good read I guess, nothing wild and crazy learned but I like how he divulges just enough to keep you intrigued and lets you know he's doing okay and that you should still respect him and that's he's a total powerhouse and that he's still totally the shit even if you didn't make it through Kingdom Come and he knows where Kanye is coming from when he gets all outspoken sometimes although he doesn't condone all things Kanye has said when being outspoken. Meaning that they ask him for his final thought on Kanye saying Bush doesn't care about black people and he answers diplomatically so that those who hate Kanye won't hate him and Kanye won't hate him either and everybody wins but not everybody runs Def Jam and wraps what is arguably the real comeback album in just 3 weeks and nobody at the office got mad at him and his lady is still his lady. Hova keeps his rhymes in his head because he got tired of writing down his thoughts on little pieces of paper and having a lot of pieces of paper. I hear what he is saying, I hear what he is saying, I definitely feel him on that tip.












I love post-it notes almost as much as I love Christmas. Here is something made of post-it notes that is cool.














So Hova is happening but if you really want to have a laugh as they say in British, read the Liam Gallagher interview in MOJO.






















Pretty much everything Liam Gallagher says is for no lack of the perfect words...BLOODY HILARIOUS!















I laughed out loud about 14 times thus clearing the music magazine section pretty fast because I forgot to brush my teeth. It's the best when they spell it out so you can hear his accent and seriously, I love Liam Gallagher interviews so much that when my old roommate Alliy was out of town I e-mailed her to tell her how funny the Liam Gallagher interview in EXCLAIM was hmmmmaybe around this time last year or maybe it was in the spring who knows but when she came back I had affixed it to her door complete with highlighted highlights and there it remained as something to read to up our spirits if ever they needed lifting. Liam Gallagher has no shame and the best part of the MOJO interview is when he finds out that Noel hates how long his hair is and even asked their mum when he's going to stop growing it and he goes on about how if Noel hates it then he's going to grow it so long that he needs an entourage to carry it onstage and they'll start a song and then someone will say wait no stop Liam's hair is not all on-stage yet!



















He's a lover not a fighter. Nary a temper on that there starlet!

I know someone else that is harmless, no matter WHAT the font!



















Back to MOJO, The A-Z of New Wave was fun to read. When The Romantics came up I got to thinking about a really great date I had about 4 years ago.

We were on the couch in my parents basement and we were watching one of those blue screen channels that plays music and fades to black if you leave the channel-changer alone for long enough...and What I Like About You came on and then Matt Joyce asked me "What do you like about me?" and it might have been corny but we'd had enough red wine that it was actually kind of a great moment for a first kiss after he told me I was smart and pretty and stylish too and I think I probably said something like well you're like, really funny and I like that and you like, have your own car.

















When I was younger, we didn't even have a TV and my dad just put this poster all over the house, especially on the mirrors so that he could ensure that his daughters would not grow up vain or stupid.

Anyway, when Matt had picked me up earlier that evening for what I wasn't even sure was a date...well I had seen him pull up and then it was probably 10 minutes before he rang my doorbell which I thought was peculiar and amusing. As we got in the car, I asked him what took him so long and he pushed play on the tape deck and there it was:

"Girl meets boy on Thursday night
Boy was high girl fly like kite
They hold hands until next day"

And so on and so forth and Thursday sounds a lot like FIRST DATE in that song and he had to find that spot on the tape before he met my dad. So hey, in case you don't know what the heck I'm talking about, I'm talking about what we talk about when we talk about love. Or rather, first-date lust and how it was a rebound from first-love but so what, it was still fun.






















PLUS IT WAS A SATURDAY NIGHT! What a great song! If nothing on 3 Feet High and Rising can turn your frown upside down then I don't really want to hang out with you anymore because you're kind of lame.


















GET OVER IT.

But first get me this for Christmas.



YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

MY MOM CALLS MY AIR FORCE 1s MY "RAP SHOES" AND THAT'S THE TRUTH, RUTH!

WEDNESDAY. 10:43 am....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATIE!

What a fun day this will be...

I rang in the holiday with Katie and her boy Michel and then I finally heard from a little monster called Jenna who confirmed that she is very very funny and also very alive, something I was unsure of for about 40 hours. Seriously. Not funny. But sort of funny now that I know she is okay. I GUESS... I made a cake for my special gurl and also a double mushroom risotto because I enjoyed it so much the other day and I know that she will like it at her potluck jam too! While the cake baked, I went to Else's and met Darcy and Trevor and Darcy's girlfriend Jasmine of Prince Ali Fabulous He fame...I had never been there before although it's a hop skip and a jump from my doorstep, or a stonesthrow if you're thinking in terms of stones...but I had heard that place way cute and it was and Jasmine shared her samosas with me and they accepted my dinner invitation for someday soon and I am glad because I think it is important for my friends' significant others to hang with me too and not think that I am mean and scary or not nice or anything else that is bad...

So today is great because in preparation for my arrival in London on Friday where I will unite with my sister Hilary to two-step and battledance...Fabric has tossed out a special fun mix from Sinden in pre-celebration of the Annie Mac party there this Friday!






















Yay Annie Mac! You're so cute and I don't even mind when you go "Nightridaaaaaa" in a pretty annoying voice because overall, you're not that annoying, you're actually really nice! So I'm listening to the promo mix right now and I'll admit this shit is fun eventhough sometimes I pretend I am over these tunes and sometimes I like to talk about how Sinden's Beeper is a really fresh song in a really sarcastic way...

























Fact of the matter is this...Hilary and I absolutely RULED AND ROCKED WITH THAT JAM last winter when Annie first introduced us to it on her Friday night mashup show.....it was proven that we were sisters with always reconcilable differences and the utmost respect for one another when I got a myspace message from her early one morning saying BITCH STOLE MA JAM! Referring to me...and my then profile song BEEPER.






















Then I went to her profile and that was her song too. Big deal, right? IT IS/WAS! Because when I had gone to bed the previous night I had written her a message at which point her song was who knows what and then I changed my profile song and went to bed. It was like the stars were aligned because if you hadn't already figured out the end of the story...well it can be determined through careful detective investigation no magnifying glass required that WE CHANGED OUR SONG TO SINDEN BEEPER AT THE SAME TIME! But in different time zones!

More importantly, THIS JUST IN!













And here's a cool picture of some M&Ms because they taste better than Smarties.

















11:19 am....I AM GOING TO THE GYM TO HUNT DOWN SOPHIE AND MAKE HER GIVE ME MUSCLE TONING TIPS!!!

14 days later I continue but only to give Katie her 2 days late interweb gift.

Katie loves Alec Baldwin. Here he is playing Alec Baldwin being sexy with a hairy chest.


















He's so laid-back he's horizontal. Nary a temper on that there starlet...






















He likes to talk things out like a rational adult, no guns about it.

More importantly, Alec Baldwin was my dad's roommate in college.






















Whassat? You don't beLIEVE me?? Well then, it's fair to deem you a thoughtless little pig, especially if you have yet to travel through puberty.

Katie and I agree to disagree and I happen to be more of a fan of the OTHER Baldwin brother. Get it? Get it? There are like FOURTEEN of them!

Anyways, I dig Stephen and if he spelled it SteVEN I probably wouldn't dig him half as much, and by probably I mean definitely.














He's a righteous dude, not to mention a great actor and everybody's favourite guilty sex symbol.



















Bio-Dome is really great movie and it goes to show that Stephen Baldwin rocks dreads way better than my boy Zack.















Listen de la Rocha, you're a really great guy but phony dreads enhanced by Sebastian Molding Mud are seriously not that left-wing.






















Next thing you know, you'll be telling me you didn't know that Bush spent all the money from the post-Katrina bake-sales on a life-time supply of Sebastian Molding Mud...and you call yourself a political activist!

Then you'll go and slather your whole body with Crème de la Mer because it's only $1350 for 16.5 ounces and that's really great deal and anyone who says otherwise is obviously not made of money like me.




















It is now almost noon on Friday and that means I gotta blow this library and head to the YMCA to be re-united with the most steady relationship I've had all 2007. Me plus Sophie equals MUSCLES!!!

One more thing...have you guys seen John Coy today because I just saw him and the rumours are true...MIKE TAYLOR IS A REALLY TALENTED HAIRDRESSER.