Franchement, moi je suis vraiment dans un good mood aujourd'hui parce que- GET THIS!- I had my first full night of sleep in more than a week and it was glorious. I had been having horrible nightmares that woke me up and made me think and toss and turn for hours and it was really not at all fun and I was starting to think that I would never sleep normally again.
Before I tell you why this might be, that I slept like a wee baby sleeping well, I must tell you that I woke up all smiles and decided it would be nice to wake up my sweetly slumbering steady boy just to tell him that "I HAD A GOOD SLEEP! I HAD A GOOD SLEEP!" to which he replied groggily, eyes closed..."I know, I saw you."
Cute...
Anyways, I was thinking I WOKE UP HAPPY for a change, and then I realized I was singing Sophie B. Hawkins in my head, a song that always reminds me of Party of 5 and being without breasts and pubic hair and all that came shortly after Bailey and Sarah consumated their love with S-E-X.
Here's the jam, you know you love to hate it but you might kind of feel a bit dreamy about it too, even if you never tell anyone or even allow it entrance to your super-exclusive itunes library.
Which is why, I'll toss it here and you can then pretend it never even happened.
And now for our feature presentation.
Sophie B. is obviously on top of her game and trying to pinch her pennies because she wouldn't let me pull a full version of her video on youtube so I had to settle for Sailor Moon version, which really is not so bad at all/at all.
Anyway, she's trying to make it and we wonder if she's doing a better job than Lisa Loeb (who also ties in now that I think about it) but GET THIS: Sophie B. Hawkins added me as her myspace friend in 2006 and I denied her that privilege. Whoda thunk?! Not I in 1995, that's for damn sure.
So yeah, I slept well and woke up with Sophie B. Hawkins in my head and if life were much much worse, I'd have had Lisa Loeb stuck in it everytime I felt sleepless.
So who knows why I had a great sleep?? I do and my steady knows and his older brother knows and their family friend visiting from Vancouver who tried to pay for what I'm going to tell you about momentarily except that his bank card would not work and he was embarassed but my boy payed, all with fives because he made a lot of 5 dollar bills on Friday night when they had what sounds like it was a fun party that I did not attend...so yeah, their family friend knows too, why I slept like a baby.
And my sister doesn't know because I made them promise not to tell.
You see, ever since I emerged from my second extended stay in the hospital (extended by my terms of never being the least bit sick ever in life means 5 days is a real drag...I've had unhealthy family members, I know that in truth, 5 days in nothing but I am young and invincible so 2 five day stays really blew, okay??), ever since THEN and while I was in the hospital too, I've been prohibited from going over 1500mL of fluid in my daily diet, which is nothing when your jaw is wired shut and fluid is the only thing you can have.
That is what I look like (to a certain extent). I've been a bit better about bathing and keeping my nails looking cute, plus I have about 10 000 little elastics holding it all together even more, just in case I'm stronger than steel or whatever. Also, I have a metal plate embedded beneath my skin and sewn in there with cool plastic thread that gives me really cool chancres. I can keep it when this is all over and done with, much like younger kids want to keep their casts and/or orthodontic retainers long after they've served their purpose, eventhough they smell like death. And not in the way that hospitals smell like death...more like the way Keds worn without socks for 4 months of summer smell like death. Which is worse? You decide.
So anyway, something to do with something wrong with my insides meant that if I drank more than that, my sodium would go up from way below healthy to healthy too fast for a functioning brain to remain functional. And that would be bad.
So I got to leave the hospital on the condition that I follow this diet and get my blood and whatnot checked a week later (today) and by then it would probably be okay and then I could have 14 milkshakes a day if I wanted 14 milkshakes someday.
I really found it hard to believe that I had a sodium problem because I love V8 and love it often and last time I was at Bifthèque on St. Laurent, I ate a lot of that supersalty popcorn they make so supersalty because salt is inexpensive and butter just ain't worth it.
But I guess it had more to do with the present day at the time when a week and half ago was the present day, when my body was busy using all my little energy supplies to heal my wounds.
So last night, after going to have dinner with my steady (we'll call him "Devin")and his older brother (let's say he's "Nathaniel Atherton") and his steady girl KeishaChanté (this name is actually made up, her name is Lindsay) and their family friend Rafiki (his name is honestly Eric)...well we all had dinner meaning they had pasta and bread and salad and beer and I had roasted red pepper soup (me and soup are currently besties) and well...then we went to Dairy Queen.
Which put me over my limit, and I really should have just stayed home with KeishaChanté and done dishes or whatever but I really really wanted to go to Dairy Queen eventhough I knew a Blizzard was a human impossibility.
But I thought a milkshake would be GREAT. So eventhough you're not supposed to be able to have any flavour of Blizzard as a milkshake, their milkshakes are just standard flavours pretty much, I convinced them to make me an Oreo milkshake by showing them my locked mouth and making them feel badly about trying to limit my fun.
I made Devin promise not to tell my sister when we later crossed her path, I'm old enough to keep track and follow orders in the name of better health but she saw me try and sneak a glass of chocolate milk I wasn't allowed to have two nights ago so she's really on my case now.
But TODAY, I go to the doctor and hopefully they say all is well and I can have 9000mL if I want.
We just figured, since I've been FEELING SO MUCH BETTER, that what's 12 hours when I'll most likely get word that I can do whatever I damn well please from this day forward??
Here's hoping.
The moral of the milkshake is, that maybe it was the Dairy Queen Oreo milkshake that made me have a full night of sleep without bad dream interruption. In which case we must consider the small Oreo milkshake a herbal sleep aid, without which I might never sleep soundly again. It's like a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Except it's a heck of a lot more than a spoonful of sugar in one of those things and there is no medicine following the sugar crusade, only milkshake, milkshake and more milkshake.
Therefore..don't you DARE tell my sister.
She has much better things to do than surf the web.
But here is my steady boy, whom I have never formally introduced, as he appears deep in the murky depths of youtube infamy, much to my amusement and hopefully yours too.
And finally, it must be said that all that jazz about my sister being on my case is said in love, because she is and has been particularly in the past few weeks, my older sister and truly her mother's daughter (in the best way possible).
And for that? That's right, I give her snaps!
She's Ashlee to my Jessica, if you know what I mean.
I mean I'm shorter, curvier, and less prone to black.
I'm also more likely to seek advice from my older younger sister Hilary, because I think that she is much smarter and more level-headed than I am, less emotional and not at all prone to drama, which is less than I can say for myself (eventhough I think I'm a half-way decent person).
And I am also less likely than Hilary to date/knock boots with anyone remotely close to my height, meaning that I am pushing 5'4 and I much prefer those pushing a minimum of 6'2 and an ultimate of 6'5.
My steady is doing great and let's hope he never shrinks.
WOOHA!
Hmmm...I am also less likely to be the one giving thinly veiled disapproving looks about Hilary's boy choices...I being formerly promiscuous and she being the hot babe who has been basically unattainable by anyone with a dick (or a vagina), unless they are very very cool and funny and nice and goodlooking, like her current gem Russel Simco.
No secret "I'm so not impressed (or surprised)" looks from Hilary these days, she and Devin get along smashingly and did long before we were into making out anyway.
My steady is doing great and let's hope he never shrinks.
I BID YOU ADIEU...
I AM FINALLY POSTING THIS 2 DAYS LATE ON THURSDAY AND NOW THE HOT SCOOP IS THAT I CAN HAVE AS MANY MILKSHAKES AS I WANT.
And also, you think I think he doesn't care about me, but my brother loves me too and I give him big ups for driving me to and fro the hospital and getting me new Lulu Lemon shorts for my return to physical activity.
I LOVE EVERYONE, EVEN YOU.
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