Doing A 7th Earl Of Lucan

When Lucky Lord Lucan disappeared
into the ether back in November 1974,
his Ford Corsair was found abandoned
on a residential street in the coastal town of Newhaven.
The interior of the vehicle was stained with fresh blood.
In the boot, detectives discovered a length of lead piping.
No-one knows for certain what happened to Lord Lucan,
but there are many theories. Some more fanciful than others.
Today, we’re filming on Lawes Avenue;
a carbon-copy residential street
not 5 minutes from where that
Ford Corsair was left marooned.
As daylight slowly ebbs, so the locals begin
emerging from the pebbledashed brickwork.
Shuffling and groaning as they come.
Steadily growing in number.
Armed with their mobile phone 3G technology,
their Mackenzie sportswear
and their Staffies-on-a-string.
White Cracker fireflies, attracted
by the buzzing lights of the Kino Flo
and the smell of human flesh from the big city.
Like something out of ‘Night Of The Living Dead’.
Like something with ‘Duelling Banjos’ as a soundtrack.
No-one knows for certain what happened to Lord Lucan.
But there are many theories. Some more fanciful than others.
Perhaps he took a ferry to Dieppe and became a scallop fisherman.
Perhaps he was simply eaten alive by the good folk of Newhaven.
Face facts, stranger things have happened.

The Lord Lucan Mystery