We All Dream Of A Team Of Carraghers

Number 1 is Carragher.
Number 2 is Carragher.
Number 3 is Carragher.
Number 4 is Carragher.
And so it goes on. All the way to the subs bench.
Tonight at The Lane, Liddypool’s travelling army
are dreaming of a line-up comprised entirely
of their homegrown number 23, Jamie Carragher.
It’s a nice dream for sure, but with
just over half-an-hour left to play
and trailing by four goals to a solitary one,
the reality is proving somewhat harder to stomach.
When the gaffer sacrifices El Niño
in favour of a South-American left-back
with only a stunted handful of
first-team appearances to his name,
it’s clear his priorities for the season lie elsewhere.
It’s clear then that it’s going to be a longer drive
back to the European Capital of Culture than usual
for the bull-headed Kopite stood next to me;
stuck deep with a lance and dazzled by the floodlights.
I can tell he’s already thinking about where
he’s going to hit The Wife when he gets home.
Somewhere where it’s less likely to show.
Near the kidneys perhaps. Maybe the soles of the feet.
But hey, come on, what do I know?
Maybe the guy lost a son in Afghanistan.
Maybe his mother is bed-ridden and requires 24-hour home care.
Maybe he’s waiting for the results of his bone marrow biopsy.
I'm thinking I might try and leave early.
Y’know, to avoid the crush?
Afterall, some of us have got work in the morning.


Mr. Starsailor sings 'We All Dream Of A Team Of Carraghers'

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