OOH-EE, OOH-EE, OOH-EE...ICE! ICE! ICE!

How funny would it be if you were involved in a bike vs. car altercation in late July and broke your jaw, and THEN you fell on your face at 2nd Cup last Wednesday for no good reason (you fainted, but there was no Jason Priestley circa Pepe jeans ads in the house), and ended up in the ER with a broken jaw and didn't get out til Saturday??










































Momentarily hilarious at certain moments, I guess. It's just so totally ridiculous that it has to be a joke. I looked less scary last time. I had more teeth and fewer stitches, and looked less like I'd been involved in a drunken bar fight than I do now. I kind of can't feel half my face still, which is somewhat disconcerting, and it looks like I am trying to have a conversation with half of my mouth filled with Big League Chew, which is not too sexy.



















I am not wired shut but I have four terrible/horrible metal Frankenstein bolts in my gums with elastics stretched over them, and the bolts are actually so high up in my gum that I can feel them through my cheek BESIDE MY NOSE as in ABOVE MY NOSTRIL, which is frankly INSANE, making it totally impossible (as well as EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL) to attach said elastics without at least 2 helpers and I live alone and my steady is going on a RAP TOUR any day now, not that his hands are small enough to be of any help in the department anyway...


















Anyways. All I wanted for Christmas was a winning Hollywood smile and it looks like I'm going to get it.























Also, I need a hockey mask and a mouth guard.









































And maybe a bodyguard also.























Three cheers for friends of the blender. UH-gain...




















Milkshakes are both inevitable and impossible.

PEACE OUT AND WATCH YOUR STEP.