Remember how you weren't laughing because it wasn't funny???
Well THAT is how I have felt recently and I haven't felt like writing except for intense emo shiz in the beautiful pink argyle diary that I petted occasionally for about 3 years because I thought it was far too pretty to tarnish with emo shiz.
I decided I should save it for writing really pretty stories about imaginary unicorns and unrequited love. And by that I mean real-life unicorns and perfect love, both VERY REAL PHENOMENONS.
Last week when I was busy being a downer, my mom told me about this book she was reading called LULLABIES FOR LITTLE CRIMINALS that my brother gave my sister for Christmas where the narrator describes a January day where the sky is "the colour of a light bulb that is not turned on" and the sky does not change colour all day and she does not feel enough energy to do anything
and I was like "OH MY GOD TOTALLY" and she said that I should read it.
Maybe I will and hopefully it will not be akin to reading THE BELL JAR around age 19 when you're in a new city and feel A LACK OF REAL CONNECTION TO ALL OTHER HUMAN BEINGS because it's like what's up Sylvia Plath, you're my girl, what are you up to these days WAIT A MINUTE you cut your days short and now I feel a bit SAD.
Sometimes being 22 blows at the dawn of quarter-life crisis.
But it could be worse so when you feel in the depths of despair, I recommend reading about those who have all the regular quarter-life crisis problems:
"Who am I?/What the shit am I going to do with this degree anyways?/Why hasn't anyone nice and awesome and funny fallen in love with me lately?/Where am I going, where have I been?/What's the deal with my problem skin??/Am I irrelevant in the grand scheme of things?/OH MY GOD I THINK I AM FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUCK!!!"
All the regular quarter-life crisis problems PLUS heroin addiction was a good thing for me to read this week.
Noelle lent me this collection of Lesley Arfin's diary entries from age 11 to 25 and sometimes I felt like "Shit girl, I know what you mean..." but then remembered I'm not a drug addict so it's easier for me to get over myself and get my shit together than it was for Lesley who had arguably greater setbacks than mine, which are...not worth integrating into the blogosphere as I kind of like to vaguely tell you all about myself and at the same time tell you nothing.
As for MY real diary, when I was in Ottawa over Christmas, I found my Jasmine from Alladin diary that I got when I turned 8 and wrote in until I was 11, at which point I decided it was kind of lame because it had pink pages and a lock that could be opened by anyone with an IQ over 6.
I laughed harder than I had in many moons when reading the rants of my youth aloud to my brother and sister (and my brother's girlfriend Victoria aka Tory Tequila and Adam van Koeverden also) and I can assure you that none of it was funny at the time. It was in my 90210 shoebox that I had labelled CHILDHOOD MEMORIES at a time when I thought I was no longer a child when I was actually very much a child eventhough I became a woman when I was 11.
Anyways, I've been lost in a cloud of lame and when that happens I decide that I loathe everyone and love cardio more than anyone and I do my very best to not to talk to anyone by not answering my phone ever. This is of course completely irrational and self-destructive and I would be better off hanging out with boys who have been around a quarter of a century but (luckily) still make/appreciate handjob jokes with great zeal and also find it endlessly amusing to prankcall eachother while in the same room, sometimes with a megaphone involved which is actually a pretty great joke.
So instead of being anti-social when you're all "living at 22 HEARTACHE AVENUE "hang out with people who are into being silly even if you think you're not feeling silly and eventually you will feel silly for not feeling like laughing at anything, such as simulated sexual aerobics class as instructed by one who puts on your rabbit fur vest upside-down as though it were a loincloth.
IT WAS FUNNY AND I ADMITTED IT AND FELT MUCH BETTER.
That was last Thursday and I don't think those surrounding me knew how much better I felt in their company but it really turned around a shitty day and I was soon game for moderate consumption of whiskey/cashews and that was basically a miracle.
In retrospect, other okay things have happened lately like when I went to say whassup to my old roommate Caroliner at the end of her shift at Korova on Friday and THE DJ PLAYED MY SONG.
I was wearing one white glove on my left hand because I am excited.
Excited about the 25th anniversary edition of THRILLER and I woke up to DON'T STOP THE MUSIC not once last week but TWICE and so I had been thinking about how different life would be for EVERYONE had the opening track of Thriller not been WANNA BE STARTIN SOMETHIN eventhough if you don't know, now you know that Manu Dibango's Soul Makossa is the origin of that epic chant and it has been called THE FIRST DISCO RECORD and so I guess you know that our man JIGGA MAN used it too??
Apparently Akon puts his own spin on WANNA BE STARTIN SOMETHIN on THRILLER 25 and I'm not that up on thangs because I don't have the internet at home and there is no sound at school so for all I know everyone has heard it ALL and it's like French electro-remixed at loft parties every weekend and it's old news already but I haven't heard it so that should be interesting methinks.
A fellow named will.i.am is also on THRILLER 25 and has anyone seen Freedom Writers with Hilary Swank??
It's really lame and P.S. I bet P.S. I LOVE YOU is lame too becaue it's the same team and will.i.am did the score for Freedom Writers and it's silly and there's this time when you're like "GUY! THAT IS BASICALLY PASSIN ME BY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? YOU THINK I DON'T HEAR THAT SHIT?! I HEAR THAT SHIT! LAME! LAME! LAME!"
So at Korova last Friday I was like "Heyo mister DJ. I know nobody likes a request but I got my one white glove and WANNA BE STARTIN SOMETHIN is a REALLY GREAT SONG and YOU KNOW IT."
I did not think that he would play it and then he did play it at the very end (about 2 minutes later)and I was SO HAPPY and I told him so and I think he was happy that I was happy and he was pleased with my glove also and his friend from his band was telling me how that song was his NON-REQUEST and I kept asking him if he was serious and he wasn't but I thought he was because I believe everything because I trust everyone even though I should know better by now.
In other news, as I have been feeling over-dramatically irrelevant in recent days, I was actually really glad that someone (Youri Hollier) noticed I wasn't at my usual fave cubicle at the library yesterday and called me to say so and I was also overjoyed that someone (Devin Atherton and some other unidentified funny person) left me a great message that sounded like a made up on-the-spot song that was some heartfelt chanting of my name that made me as happy as I am whenever I hear that epic chant that originated from Soul Mokassa.
So BIG UPS to all the LITTLE THINGS that count MORE THAN YOU KNOW on certain days when you feel superlame.
In conclusion, I VOW TO GET OVER MYSELF AS MUCH AS ONE WHO DOES SOMETHING AS SELF-INDULGENT AS BLOGGING CAN WITHOUT ACTUALLY EXTINGUISHING SAID BLOG FOR GOOD.
I'm looking into the possibility of a straight A semester and I'm taking more classes than last semester so the fridge will likely be lacking in hearty meals and but full of condiments and you know what that means...
I heard a rumour that this time of year makes everyone feel a bit funny.
When in self-doubt, hang out with real friends and instead of creating imaginary ones that always rule and never hurt your feelings.
OKAY??
LATER GATORS!
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