I told myself this was the dumbest reality show on television last summer... yet here we go again and I won't even bother to kid myself-- I'm stoked for all the psychotic breakdowns.
Entertainment Weekly reports the long speculation that ex-lovers Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi will indeed be living under the same roof on Bachelor Pad 2... Yessss! I hate how much I love their drama. And to make shit even more awkward, she's now dating Kasey Kahl, that try-hard who got a tattoo for Jake's "one who got away"-turned-Bachelorette, Ali Fedotowski... I know, it's amazing Kasey ever found a girlfriend.
And the rest of the desperates are...
- Gia Allemand (“The Bachelor” Season 14, Jake Pavelka) - This broad gets a do-over? She fell for Wes on the first season of Bachelor Pad and rumor has it, Vienna came between them after the show... Now Gia is all friendly again with Jake, who he decided he only liked third best on The Bachelor.
- Holly Durst (“The Bachelor” Season 12, Matt Grant) - Not Fred Durst's sister but she used to do it all for Michael Stagliano's nookie. He was on Jillian Harris's Bachelorette season, his identical twin brother is marrying Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas, and he almost married this Holly woman who was merely a contestant once. P'yuhh.
- Vienna Girardi (“The Bachelor” Season 14, Jake Pavelka) - Currently has her heart guarded and protected by Kasey. Had a screaming match with ex-fiance Jake on a Bachelor special following their breakup, with a side of salty tears. Apparently boned Wes?
- Jackie Gordon (“The Bachelor” Season 15, Brad Womack) - Just Jackie. That should be the name of a TV show. Just Jackie.
- Michelle Money (“The Bachelor” Season 15, Brad Womack) - Was the "villain" last season on The Bachelor because all the girls had their feelings hurt by her sarcastic camera comments. But she redeemed herself when she warned the current Bachelorette, Ashley, about this season's Bentley and his asshole "intentions"-- even though he actually sweats douchiness-- apparently someone needed to be warned. Wouldn't be shocked if Bentley was one of those "mystery men"...
- Ella Nolan (“The Bachelor” Season 14, Jake Pavelka) - Single mom who hates on Jake for sending her home on a 2-on-1 date when he was The Bachelor. I hope she screams, "You'll never be my baby-daddy now!" at him. Seriously, why is Jake there? He has to face all these chicks he denied... OH I just got it. He's gonna try and get some. I could totally see him trying to hand out roses again like he runs that shit.
- Erica Rose (“The Bachelor” Season 9, Lorenzo Borghese) - Everybody knows Erica. Okay nobody does. Who?
- Melissa Schreiber (“The Bachelor” Season 15, Brad Womack) - Seriously all this chick is known for is never having a chance with Brad, and starting some bitch fight with another girl who never had a chance either. They both got booted the same night.
- Alli Travis (“The Bachelor” Season 15, Brad Womack - Dumped in a cave.
- Graham Bunn (“The Bachelorette” Season 4, DeAnna Pappas) - G-Bunz, duh... Okay I forget.
- Kirk Dewindt (“The Bachelorette” Season 6, Ali Fedotowski) - Fourth in-line to receiving Ali's final rose if his dad wasn't so creepy on his hometown date... Ali was supposed to meet the family, not all the stuffed, decapitated, dead animal heads in the basement.
- Kasey Kahl (“The Bachelorette” Season 6, Ali Fedotowski) - Should probably cut off his wrist if he doesn't want to get made fun of hard in this game.
- Jake Pavelka (“The Bachelor” Season 14) - Aren't Bachelors and Bachelorettes too good for this show?? Unless, that is, your "acting career" isn't going anywhere...
- Justin "Rated-R" Rego (“The Bachelorette” Season 6, Ali Fedotowski) - The infamous wrestler who hobbled around on a broken foot and had girlfriends back home. And almost crossed over into Jersey Shore when he got with Angelina Pivarnick for a hot minute afterward.
- Michael Stagliano (“The Bachelorette” Season 5, Jillian Harris) - Please tell me there's a DNA twist like Big Brother and he's switching in and out with his twinsie.
- Plus three mystery dudes from Ashley's season. My guesses are Bentley, masked man, and the call-it-what-you-wanna-call-it alcoholic who got loser drunk on the first night.