Excerpts from Snooki's bookie

In case you didn't already realize, Snooki's 7th grade paper that she's passing off as a novel is now available. 

Just so you know what kind of a challenging read you're getting into, the NY Post has a few eloquent excerpts from "A Shore Thing"...

• "He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."


• "Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."


• "Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."


• "Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."


• "Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn't nearly as gritty and disgusting as she'd seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank -- on a weekday afternoon -- was as clean and quiet as a church."


• "I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

How has Oprah not added this to her book club selection yet??  Total snub job.

Brittany Murphy's mom writing a book

On what would have been Brittany Murphy's 33rd birthday, her mother has announced she will be writing a tell-all book about her late daughter.  Uhh...

In a statement to E! News, Sharon Murphy says, "This book will be my way of celebrating and honoring her extraordinary life and career. Brittany was a kind, loving person who enjoyed each day, she was my life."



Sharon explains how this biography on Brittany will be an accurate account about her daughter's life, loves, and acting career.  To be fair, I think Mrs. Murphy wants the world to know what her daughter was really like, not just the media perception... But the only way it can be completely accurate would be if Brittany wrote it herself and was 100% truthful.  Obviously that can't happen, but through a mother's eyes... it's going to be a little bias, yes?  From what I remember in interviews, Sharon seems a little on the denial side of her daughter's demons.



Plus I'm a little skeptical because it feels a tad exploit-ish.  However, Sharon adds, "A portion of the proceeds that I receive from the book will be donated to charity."  I'm always curious HOW much that portion will be though...

I have Pinsent fever

Theatrical Canadian actor Gordon Pinsent has just made Justin Bieber's upcoming autobiography "First Step 2 Forever: My Story" worth reading.  This is the best thing I've seen since Christopher Walken tackled Lady Gaga's lyrics...







If G-Pinz puts out an audio version of the J-Biebz book I swear I'll buy it.

The Situation's book cover

The perfect Christmas present for the single gorilla in your life is Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's book... and Christmas has come early this year because the cover has just been revealed (via People)!

Of course, the abs are in full view, but if you look closely, so is a little nip and a little underoo.  I'm kind of disappointed that there are no sparkles on his "ttttt-shirttttt!" though... To be released November 2.



Yes that reads:

"A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, avoiding Grenades (because he's so good at that), and Getting in your GTL on the Jersey Shore."

Hard hitting issues here, people.

Snooki to write a book

Snooki can barely string a sentence together on Jersey Shore (usually because she's drunk), but somehow she's going to write a book.

People reports the MTV star's new book will be called "A Shore Thing" to be released in January.  It will be a fictionalized story of her own life about finding love on the boardwalk...  With a gorilla juice-head of course.  Fictionalized because unfortunately, we all know Snooki has yet to find true lurve.



The 22-year-old says in a statement, "I'm pumped to announce to my fans a project that I've been working on for some time. This book will have you falling in love at the shore... If you're at a grade 4 reading level."  OK I added that last part...