Will Ferrell shaves Conan's beardo

Will Ferrell is stupid busy lately. Not only is he saving The Office after Steve Carell peaced out, he's also shaving Conan O'Brien's beard off (that's a very important job) AND going mouth-to-mouth with John C. Reilly.



First, the face scraping:







Now for some material to get you in the mood... (photo via DListed):

Shake and Bake, baby.

Cart Wheelminster Abbey

After the wedding of William and Kate (I will not call them Duke and Dutchess, that's a title for old, hag-looking people), some guy who works for Westminster Abbey was BUSTED doing cartwheels down the aisle. SINNER!







The man has been identified as Ben Sheward, a verger for 10 years, according to the Daily Mail UK, and wasn't looking to gain any publicity. I guess he thought the cameras were turned off by that point but sneaky little ITV kept theirs rolling which was still streaming live to millions. Shortly after, this clip appeared on YouTube and now the amateur gymnast is a twirly whirly internet star.



One spokesperson for Westminster Abbey sees the light-heartedness in all of this commenting, "The verger, like all of us, was very pleased the service had gone according to plan, and was expressing his exuberance."



But some other stuffy asshole was all: "We are just trying to keep a lid on this one. The verger has been spoken to a number of times and has been advised how to handle the situation."



Honestly, you act like the "situation" is that he straight popped a shit on the red carpet.



Rumor has it, Sheward is said to be feeling guilty as fuck over his display of pure talent and Abbey staff have warned him not to speak publicly about it... The extreme version of the story-- He's in HIDING. Nooo, don't lock your mad skillz away from the world!!



Is he actually being scolded for a couple of cartwheels though? What-- God doesn't like cartwheels? Should he go to confession, beg for forgiveness, do two Hail Marys (one for each cartwheel) and then maybe he won't go to Hell? He should be praised for his sick moves, not punished. However, it's been said that he's unlikely to face any official disciplinary action. PHEW! So you can put that belt away, Queen Elizabeth.



WHATEVER, this guy will be yesterday's news as soon as video of royal stepmother Camilla Parker Bowles doing The Worm at the wedding reception is leaked online.



You're totally going to look up the word 'verger' now aren't you?

Bob Barker is an inspiration

This is the best random photo with a celebrity ever (via DListed).  I bet Bob Barker didn't even know what was written on that sign when some Canadian fan showed up at the Toronto airport with his nutless puppy dog today.  It probably went down in 1.3 seconds like this: "Yo Bob, look at my iPhone. AhThankYouBye."

That's a pro band-aid job by the way.

Stage 5 clinger

I think it's safe to say, she's DTF.  Like "down to fuck".  That's fuck like F-U-C-K.  F as in fuck. U as in Eunice. C as in... Cat.  K as in.  K?







She's my idol.

Paris interviews Weezy

This is too funny.



Interview magazine is known for getting celebrities to interview other celebrities. Sometimes they are actors working on a movie together, or they are artists who have collaborated, etc. So I have no idea how Paris Hilton ended up asking Lil Wayne the questions (with the help of a contributing editor, because she's not smart enough to come up with that many on her own), but it happened in the latest issue.



The best part has to be the two of them bonding over prison though! YES, for real, because their experiences were sooo similar...



It starts with music writer Dimitri Ehrlich trying to get the details on Weezy’s 8-month sentence, then Paris killing the conversation by being a try-hard.

EHRLICH: “I was reading that during your last month in prison, they put you in solitary confinement for having an iPod or something like that. I’ve heard that being in solitary is the most torturous thing in the world. What was that like for you?”



WAYNE: “For me it was okay, because it just meant that I was alone with my thoughts. There were times when it was pretty tough to be by yourself, and to have no television, no sort of nothing. That was kind of tough. But I didn’t have to be in there long. It was just a month. I was okay. I did fine.”



EHRLICH: “So literally a month without talking to any human beings except the guards. You’re totally isolated?”



WAYNE: “Nah. There were guys next to me and things like that. You could speak through the walls and stuff. It wasn’t totally silent like you would think it is.”



EHRLICH: “Can you still work out when you’re in solitary? Do you get time in the yard?”



WAYNE: “Yeah, yeah. I got an hour in the yard every day, so I was able to do all those things.”



HILTON: “I had to do 24 nights in solitary.” [Hilton was held in a separate cell as a safety precaution.]



WAYNE: “Oh, so you know how it is.”



HILTON: “Yeah, I know how it is.”

HAHAHA. I'm sorry, but that is GOLD. Yeah, you've got so much street-cred with your side part and hair extensions...

Pauly D shares his best pickup lines

Pauly D is pimping out Cosmo magazine's new iPad app with his adorable 4-legged wingman Puggy D.  And yes, these pickup lines work.







If it weren't for this guy and his one-liners, Jersey Shore would be Jersey SNORE right about now!

'Saturday' is the new 'Friday'

There are many Rebecca Black "Friday" parodies out there, but this one is the best.  It's "Saturday!"  Everyone knows Saturday is better than Friday anyway...







Me like food food tooooo!  I can so relate to this shit.

Guiltiest dog ever

This is soooo cute/funny.  From the music in the background, to the commentary, to the offending dog's reaction... HAHA.  I love people who love their animals!  This is amazing:

See more funny videos and TBT at Todays Big Thing.

The video description says Denver was sentenced to three hours without being told he's a good dog.  Plus imagine the attitude the cat must have given him on top of that??  Aweee...

VACAY - shwoop shwoop (skiing sound)

I took a ski lesson last weekend for the first time in 10 years and I have no idea why I gave it up cuz I should be in the Olympics by now (NOT)... but I AM going on a ski trip for a week and a bit so that's why when you hit up this page for the next 10ish days you'll see tumbleweeds blowing by...



In the meantime, hopefully when I return on Monday, March 14th, Charlie Sheen will still be alive and THIS will still be funny!

This girl knows what she wants

This sassy 5-year-old little girl has plans alright?  And she refuses to get married to any man unless she has a job first... MmHmm!  Now run and tell THAT.







You know this video is getting worked into her wedding montage in 25 years, right?

J-Biebz believes in CSI killing but not unborn baby killing

Rolling Stone is known for exploiting young stars to sell magazines (ie: the underage Britney Spears bedroom bra and panties cover in 1999) so I'm not really surprised they're asking Justin Bieber, 16, for his views on abortion...

The interview went from sex, to Canadian health care and political parties, then to unborn fetuses and whether or not he believes in taking a vacuum to them. Yep, clearly they're going after controversy.



Here's the excerpt:

"I don't think you should have sex with anyone unless you love them," Bieber says. When asked if he believes in abstinence until marriage, Bieber – who is reportedly dating fellow teen star Selena Gomez – seems wary: "I think you should just wait for the person you're...in love with."

Near the end of their time together Vanessa Grigoriadis [the editor] caught a glimpse of Bieber's desktop image on his laptop: It was him and Gomez against an orange sunset. Bieber quickly closed the computer when he noticed that Grigoriadis had seen the picture.

Other highlights from the story:

- The Canadian-born Bieber never plans on becoming an American citizen. "You guys are evil," he jokes. "Canada's the best country in the world." He adds, "We go to the doctor and we don't need to worry about paying him, but here, your whole life, you're broke because of medical bills. My bodyguard's baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby's premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home."

- He isn't sure what political party he'd support if he was old enough to vote. "I'm not sure about the parties," Bieber says. "But whatever they have in Korea, that's bad." He does have a solid opinion on abortion. "I really don't believe in abortion," Bieber says. "It's like killing a baby." How about in cases of rape? "Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I don't know how that would be a reason. I guess I haven't been in that position, so I wouldn't be able to judge that."

Clearly the Biebz is not mature enough for these loaded questions, so why even ask??  OH I've ALWAYS wanted to know what he thinks about terminating pregnancies... Not!  He's a teenage pop star.  His opinions are probably those of his parents and his religion.  Even if he doesn't grow up to believe a woman has the right to choose, who the hell cares what he THINKS??  He's not going to launch some anti-abortion campaign ever, so stop shitting all over the kid.



Moving on, here's J.B. getting shot to death on last night's CSI:







Really, did they actually just check that bobblehead's pulse?  That many bullet wounds and you think there's a chance he's still alive?  Haha, SO CHEESE.  Wow.  But, good aim!  It's crazy how the van received barely any damage...



"And I was like Baby, Baby, Baby!" BANG.

Look what you did Esperanza

Some really caring mother took a video of her son Jonah, 7, bawling his eyes out whimpering, "My teenager lost!" after Justin Bieber didn't win the Grammy for 'Best New Artist'.  At least she was thoughtful enough to disable the comments when she posted it to YouTube.







This won't encourage all the children lil' Jonah knows to constantly harass him until he's forced to drop out and get home-schooled... Not at all!  Way to go mom, you just signed up for 10-11 years of playing teacher.



And he's not YOUR teenager Jonah, he's EVERYONES teenager.  Try to be rational through your grief here!

No love for J.Aniston

While Jennifer Aniston is shouting from the cover of People magazine that she's more than cool with the fact that she hasn't been in love for over a year-and-a-half... she's not getting any love from Zach Galifianakis in this latest "interview" for Funny Or Die either.



In case you haven't checked out Between Two Ferns before, get your ass to YouTube and watch them all right now.  I dare you not to leak tears from laughter.



Here's the latest episode starring Tila Tequila and Jenn.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Tila Tequila from Between Two Ferns

How cool does Tila Tequila think she is now??

Pauly D & Keenan Cahill

Keenan Cahill knows being a guido is a way of life.



Here he is with DJ Pauly D fist pumpin' like champs in this new video of the two of them teaming up on the Jersey Shore star's "Beat Dat Beat".







Vinny and his sweat stains have some serious competition.

www.thisconversationwillneverhappenagain.com

Back in 1994, the Today Show gave out their "Internet address" (HAHA I love that they called it that) for viewers to write in to but Bryant Gumbel had trouble understanding what the @ sign meant.  He also did not realize you have to pronounce the "dots" between "nbc.ge.com".  Then he goes, "What's the internet anyway?" which also proved difficult for Katie Couric and Elizabeth Vargas to answer.



I WISH someone would have brought up "LOL" too.  Try explaining that one!







UGH why didn't they just Google it?  ;-)

Body dunk

If a regular slam dunk is worth 2 points then this should count for at least double!







I feel sorry for everyone who had to follow that...

Spencer Pratt's "song"

Heidi Montag isn't the only one in this marriage who gets to bring horrible music into our lives... Spencer Pratt has recorded a song called "Ain't No Thang But A Chicken Wing".  I'm not even kidding.



Rumor has it he was too embarrassed to release it, ha ha ha.  Really?  After all the shit he's done??  But thanks to TMZ, that mess has been leaked anyway.







I need this to be my ringtone.

Ricky Gervais' best lines at the Golden Globes

Everyone is taking sides today over Ricky Gervais and whether he "crossed the line" hosting the Golden Globes last night.  Even the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association says, "Some of the things were totally unacceptable."  I'm sorry but what did you expect?  If you wanted a host with shit all over their face from kissing all the celebs asses then you should have asked Ryan Seacrest.

Here are Ricky's best lines from last night... the ones that made the celebs squirm, clench their jaws, and hold back tears (via the National Post):

• “It’s going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or, as Charlie Sheen calls it, breakfast.”


• “It was a big year for 3-D movies. Toy Story, Despicable Me, Tron. It seems like everything this year was three-dimensional — except the characters in The Tourist.”


• “There were a lot of big films that didn’t get nominated this year – nothing for Sex and the City 2. I was sure the Golden Globe for special effects would go to the team that airbrushed that poster.”


• “Next up, Eva Longoria has the daunting task of introducing the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press. That’s nothing! I just had to help him off the toilet and pop his teeth in.”


• “Congratulations to Hugh Hefner, who is getting married at age 84 to 24-year-old beauty Crystal Harris. When asked why she was marrying him, she said, ‘He lied about his age. He told me he was 94′. Just don’t look at it when you touch it.”


• “Also not nominated, I Love You Phillip Morris. Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor, two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay. So the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists, then. My lawyers helped with that joke.”


• “The creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, is reportedly worth $7-billion. Heather Mills calls him the one that got away.”


• [Introducing Bruce Willis] “Ashton Kutcher’s dad!”


• [Introducing Robert Downey Jr.] “He’s the star of Iron Man, Two Girls and a Guy, Wonderboys. Sorry, are these porn films? Kiss Kiss (Bang Bang), Bowfinger. Really! Up the Academy. He has done all those films, but many of you in this room probably know him from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and Los Angeles County Jail.”


• “The next presenter is a true Hollywood icon. In ten of the biggest blockbusters of all time, he has shown his extraordinary acting versatility. He has played a boxer … and Rambo. Please welcome Sylvester Stallone!”


• “He was a jobbing actor, career not going that well if I’m being perfectly honest, who got his big break when I cast him in a show called The Office. He is now leaving that show, and killing a cash cow for both of us. Please welcome the wonderful Tina Fey, and the ungrateful Steve Carell!”

Plus, the National Post left this one out but in his sign-off speech, Ricky ended his thank-you's with, "Thank you to God for making me an atheist."



The GG's are going to be so boring next year without him...

Excerpts from Snooki's bookie

In case you didn't already realize, Snooki's 7th grade paper that she's passing off as a novel is now available. 

Just so you know what kind of a challenging read you're getting into, the NY Post has a few eloquent excerpts from "A Shore Thing"...

• "He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."


• "Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."


• "Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."


• "Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."


• "Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn't nearly as gritty and disgusting as she'd seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank -- on a weekday afternoon -- was as clean and quiet as a church."


• "I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

How has Oprah not added this to her book club selection yet??  Total snub job.

I want to speak his language

I don't know whether to laugh or cry... the only thing I know is I will never hear "We No Speak Americano" the same way again!



Watch as some random dude rocks out in his old man bathing suit, swim cap, and goggles... SENSUAL.







And WHY is the camera person actually zooming in on this?  Just.  No.  I can't.