Here are some of his Michael Lohan-ish quotes that were said from his 90's "Achy Breaky Heart" home in Tennessee, where he now lives all alone (probably because of that whole divorce thing):
Setting shit as straight as his flat-ironed hair: "For the record, to set it straight, I want to tell you: I've never made a dime off of Miley. You got a lot of people have made percentages off of her. I'm proud to say to this day I've never made one commissioned dollar, or dime, off of my daughter." Starring in her TV show doesn't count as making money off her??
On how Billy Ray is sort of like Jesus (NOT): "Every time something happened in Miley's career, every time the train went off the track, if you will— Vanity Fair, pole-dancing, whatever scandal it was —her people, or as they say in today's news, her handlers, every time they'd put me... 'Somebody's shooting at Miley! Put the old man up there!' Well, I took it, because I'm her daddy, and that's what daddies do. 'Okay, nail me to the cross, I'll take it....'" My hero.
Pretty much he's a victim: "All those people around, they used me every time. It became so obvious that, man, no matter what happens, they're going to put you up there and let you take the bullet."
Why he RSVP'd 'Not Attending' to Miley's 18th birthday: "You know why I didn't go? Because they were having it in a bar. It was wrong. It was for 21 years old and up. Once again all them people, they all wanted me to fly out so that then when all the bad press came they could say, 'Daddy endorsed this stuff....' I started realizing I'm being used. If I would have went out there I would have been right in the middle of all this stuff that's going on right now with the bong. They'd be hanging it on my ass. I had the common sense... I said, 'This whole thing's falling apart up there and they just want to blame all of this stuff on you again.' I'm staying out of it." Yet you'll tell everyone about it.
Disney-hating and whining about making in a week what some people only make in 6 months: "I knew I was working for peanuts. I'm not the smartest man in the world, but I know the difference. I went from $12,000 a week to, after four years and the millions that they make, $15,000 a week. Hell, yeah." You poor thing.
On his parenting skillz: "How many interviews did I give and say, 'You know what's important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids'? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read other parents might say, 'You don't need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.' Well, I'm the first guy to say to them right now: You were right. I should have been a better parent. I should have said, 'Enough is enough—it's getting dangerous and somebody's going to get hurt.' I should have, but I didn't. Honestly, I didn't know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere."
On his acting skillz: "Season four, it was a disaster. I was going to work every single day knowing that my family had fallen apart, but yet I had to sit in front of that camera. I look back and I go, How did I ever make it through that? I must be a better actor than I thought." Guaranteed you're the only person who thinks that.
Lying about not realizing how ridiculous his hair looks: "I swear I didn't realize it until recently when I went, 'Holy crap—I've lived the last five years with Geronimo's hairdo.'" Who??
Who knows what the status of the father-daughter relationship is now, but just before Christmas (when this interview was conducted) Billy Ray hadn't talked to Miley since before the whole bong thing: "You know, it seems at this point there's not a lot that I can say she doesn't already know. And of course I've sent her the texts of 'I'm here if you need me,' 'Always still love you,' those kind of things." 'Can we do a movie together? Hannah Montana 2?'
His fears: "I'm scared for her. She's got a lot of people around her that's putting her in a great deal of danger. I know she's 18, but I still feel like as her daddy I'd like to try to help. Take care of her just a little bit, to at least get her out of danger. I want to get her sheltered from the storm. Stop the insanity just for a minute. When you go through what she's been through, it takes a beating on you. And there comes a point where you just got to step back. That's how I ended up out here."
Umm and apparently Billy Ray is already predicting Miley's death: "Kurt [Cobain] was one of those guys. That's why I'm concerned about Miley. I think that his world was just spinning so fast and he had so many people around him that didn't help him. Like Anna Nicole Smith— you could see that train wreck coming. I was actually trying to reach out to Anna Nicole Smith, because I kept telling Tish and everybody around me, going, 'This is a disaster.' Michael Jackson— I was trying to reach out to Michael Jackson. I knew he had kids, and I was going to invite his kids down to a taping of Hannah —I just felt it would be good for Michael. I don't know why."
He also is certain his family is under attack by Satan: "I think we are right now. No doubt. There's no doubt about it." The devil has more important lives to ruin...
Plus, Hannah Montana fucked everything up: "Oh, it's huge—it destroyed my family. I'll tell you right now—the damn show destroyed my family. And I sit there and go, 'Yeah, you know what? Some gave all.' It is my motto, and guess what? I have to eat that one. I some-gave-all'd it all right. I some-gave-all'd it while everybody else was going to the bank. It's all sad."
Finally, how Billy Ray wishes he could pull a takesies backsies on that show: "I hate to say it, but yes, I do. Yeah. I'd take it back in a second. For my family to be here and just be everybody okay, safe and sound and happy and normal, would have been fantastic. Heck, yeah. I'd erase it all in a second if I could."
Oh also, his upcoming album has been put off... WHAT?? WHY...
P.S. this interview is for sure going to get your daughter to start talking to you again... and your wife is totally going to run right back into your armband tattooed arms. No seriously, you probably thought your life couldn't get any worse... and you just made it happen. Why are you talking??
