Arnold's secret kid found out the hard way

I was worried this would happen. When Arnold Schwarzenegger announced to the world he made a baby almost 14-years-ago after banging the housekeeper, that was also the first time his secret son found out. That sucks so much. Can you say therapy?

You'd think this guy would have maybe given this Mildred Patricia Baena broad time to give the poor kid a heads up instead of this: "Oh hey, my mom is all over the internet! Hey that looks like my face blurred out. Wait-- who's my daddy??" But TMZ says Maria Shriver leaked the story to the media out of pure rage so that might have something to do with not having any time to sit the boy down and explain how affairs ruin lives...



Also, the dude who until recently had no reason to believe he wasn't the child's father found out the shitty way too. Rogelio Baena tells Entertainment Tonight he thought this whole time the kid was his biological son. For him it's a double betrayal as he says Schwarzenegger was his hero. Awww!! But still he says to the boy, "I am your father. That's all." That's RIGHT.

But there's more. The NY Post reports the 13-year-old refers to Alex Aguiar, mom's current man, as "dad"... It's like a freakin' dad triangle! Whatever, it just means more presents on your birthday. Repress the rest.

Arnold's babymama revealed

And of course it only took a day to track down the identity of Arnold Schwarzenegger's housekeeper whom he had an affair and a child with...



Multiple media sources online are all acting like they found the photos first, but seriously, they all just grabbed it off her MySpace page. YOINK.



So her name is Mildred Patricia Baena but the son (turns out he's 13 --someone dug up his birth certificate) is thankfully getting some privacy. His name is not being revealed and his face is blurred on every photo. But you can totally tell anyway that he looks just like daddy!

E! News has come up with a timeline of the affair and in a disturbing twist, it's been discovered that Schwarzenegger's wife Maria Shriver and their household employee were pregnant at the same time and gave birth to their sons only five days apart-- Maria's on September 27, 1997 and Mildred's on October 2, 1997. You don't think infidelity can get much worse but I think that just made it worse.



And in case you need to know anything else, TMZ is obsessed with the story posting pretty much any photo they can find of Mildred including baby shower photos, even old Halloween photos because yes, it's all relevant... Next, I'm sure they'll share footage of the child birth.

Illegitimate Schwarzenegger

There is a 10-year-old Schwarzenegger running around. Arnold and his wife Maria Shriver have four children together between the ages of 13 and 21 but it's now been revealed that someone messed around with the help and made another one...

The former Governor of California has confirmed that more than a decade ago, he fathered a child with a household staff member. He kept this shit on the down low all this time despite the fact that the woman worked for their family for 20 years! She retired in January with a sweet severance package and has been gettin' paper ever since the UH OH was born.



Betrayed by your husband AND your nanny / maid / whatever she was? Shit. Just walking around all pregnant in front of you acting like it's her own husband's baby... And she was probably one of those mothers who never shuts up about her baby either, and totally to Maria's face too. And she had no idea the whole time! Nope, she didn't stay quiet to save her gropey husband's political career or anything like that because Arnold didn't even admit it until he left office, yet this whole thing happened before he even ran. It's true! TRUE LIES.



According to the L.A. Times, this is what he has to say for himself (and yes you MUST read it in an Austrian accent. That's Austria, not Australia, it'll ruin everything if you hear the Crocodile Hunter's voice [RIP] in your head):

"After leaving the governor's office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago. I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry. I ask that the media respect my wife and children through this extremely difficult time. While I deserve your attention and criticism, my family does not."

Maria's statement reads (via People):

"This is a painful and heartbreaking time. As a mother, my concern is for the children. I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal. I will have no further comment."

She is so done with him. Look, she even cut his cheating, baby-making ass out of the statement. Lying for 10+ years?? Hasta la vista, dirtbag.

Maria and Ahh-nold separate

It's not just Oprah Winfrey who is leaving after 25 years... Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are quitting each other too. And neither of them have said, "I'll be back..." yet.

People reports Maria has had a truly depressing past couple of years as both of her parents passed away, her uncle Ted Kennedy died, and Arnold lost his role as governor of California. She gave up her TV career when her movie star husband decided he wanted to go into politics seven years ago... and now most of her four kids are grown up. Never give up your own shit! You'll be resentful as hell.



In a statement the couple who met in 1977 and married in 1986 say in a statement to the L.A. Times, "This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us. After a great deal of thought, reflection, discussion and prayer, we came to this decision together. At this time, we are living apart while we work on the future of our relationship."



Adding, "We are continuing to parent our four children together. They are the light and the center of both of our lives. We consider this a private matter and neither we nor any of our friends or family will have further comment. We ask for compassion and respect from the media and the public."

They're so sick of each other, you can tell.