Explanation please.

What the hell is this about?  Failed Bachelor/Dancing With The Stars loser/pilot/actor-wannabe Jake Pavelka hanging with The Hills star/failed singer/plastic surgery gone wrong'd Heidi Montag and some Real Housewives quitter with a sex tape? (Danielle Staub...) AND some other guy I don't know??

According to People, their sorry asses have come together for a new VH1 reality show where they will revamp a slummy restaurant or whatever in just 28 days.  As if any of them actually know shit about renovations.  I'm assuming it's gonna go something like this:



JAKE: "Dibs on decorating committee! This place needs more long-stemmed roses. Golly!"

HEIDI: "I WOULD be a waitress but like I can barely walk without toppling over, I don't want to like break any dishes..."

DANIELLE: "I'll have my maid do everything. Who wants to see me naked?"

OTHER GUY: "Thanks for letting me be here guys."

HEIDI: "Yeah, like who are you? Do you know LC? Can you tell her I miss herrr?"

JAKE: "Will you accept this rose?"



I guess this is what reality stars stoop to when Donald Trump and Dr. Drew won't take them...

New Celebrity Apprentice cast revealed

Hollywood actors, famous musicians, a 'Real Houswife', and everyone else who isn't good enough for Dancing With The Stars are set to battle it out in the next season of Celebrity Apprentice.

Donald Trump tells People magazine he had to shoe-shoe away 35-40 people when casting for the 4th season shouting, "We really qualify people!"  He adds, "When we did the very first Celebrity Apprentice people didn't know whether to do it. But then everyone has seen all the winners have gone on to all these great things. Piers Morgan with CNN. Joan Rivers's career took off again. I can't turn on the TV without seeing Bret Michaels. He is the big superstar. They've all done so well."



The competition this year includes (and this is in no way in order of how cool they are):

• Mark McGrath (former frontman of 'Sugar Ray'/ ex-host of 'Extra'/ Mario Lopez-hater/ first person to perfect iced-tips...)


• NeNe Leakes (gossipy bitch from the ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’... like that really tells you which one she is...)


• Richard Hatch (the first winner of ‘Survivor’/ rocks out with his cock out... literally.)


• Star Jones (former co-host of ‘The View’/ likes to Payless for Shoes)


• Gary Busey (actor/ crazy person/ 'Best In Show' horsie)


• Niki Taylor (model/ easy/ breezy/ beautiful)


• Meatloaf (delicious rockstar)


• Latoya Jackson (one of the Jacksons who isn't Michael, Janet, or in the 'Five')


• David Cassidy (the Justin Bieber of the 70′s)


• Lisa Rinna (original "Billie" on Days Of Our Lives/ silicone abuser)


• Jose Canseco (retired baseball player)


• Dionne Warwick (old school singer from the 60′s/ Aretha's main competition)


• John Rich (part of the duo 'Big & Rich' responsible for that "Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy" junk)


• Hope Dworaczyk (2010 Playboy Playmate of the Year)


• Lil Jon (rapper/ Shoutie McShouts-a-lot)


• Marlee Matlin (deaf Academy Award-winning actress... she can do anything! Including WIN 'Celebrity Apprentice'!)

The show premieres March 6 on NBC.  Don't underestimate Lil Jon... "OKAY!  WHAT?  YEAH!"

Camille Grammer could be leaving 'Real Housewives'

Camille Grammer is rumored to be leaving the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills after only one season.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, the soon-to-be-ex-wife of Kelsey Grammar isn't down with the way she's being portrayed on the show.  Well having four nannies for two children and spending quality time with married men probably isn't helping...



But Camille doesn't need the damn show anyway!  TMZ reports she's most likely getting at least $50 million in her divorce from that cheating Frasier guy.  And she's entitled to it too...



When she first married Kelsey 14-years-ago he had like no money and it was SHE who made most of decisions to invest in real estate that made them worth $100,000,000.  She's also a partner in his TV company.  Plus they don't have a prenup.



Yeah, you're effed dude.

Richest reality stars

Seriously... why waste your money on petty things like an education when you can just grow up to be on reality television and make millions every year?  Fuck school!



The Daily Beast has come out with the list of the top-earning reality stars of 2010, and yes it will make you feel poor and shitty.

1. Kim Kardashian $6 million - the girl whores herself out for any product, including credit card scams... She'll also show up pretty much anywhere you want if you've got $75,000 to cover her outrageous appearance fee.  Plus she "wrote" a book with her less famous sisters.


2. Lauren Conrad $5 million - even though she's not on The Hills anymore, she'll be back on reality TV soon with her new show.  Take THAT Kristin Cavallari.  In the meantime, she's making her cheese from her fashion line and she also "writes" books.


3. Bethenny Frankel $4 million - I can't even tell you which Real Housewives show this woman is on, yet somehow she's making all this coin??  Apparently she has her own spinoff and surprise surprise... she's a "writer".  Her books are about how to get skinny without barfing.  She's also a contestant on Skating With The Stars.  Yeah, not even famous enough for Dancing With The Stars!


4. Audrina Patridge $3.5 million - This Hills star turned Dancing With The Stars contestant has her own reality show coming out next year so watch it LC... Plus she models on the side.  Finally, someone who doesn't have a book! 


5. Kate Gosselin $3.5 million - Oh look, another "author".  This broad has four books and twice as many children.  She pulls in $250,000 per episode of Kate Plus Eight.  And just like you won't find Jon Gosselin on TLC anymore, you won't find him on this list either.  Sucka.


6. Mike "The Situation" $3 million - (By the way, I'm impressed the first five people on this list are women!)  It's been just over a year since we first went "WTF is this mess on MTV?" and this guy is laughing all the way to the bank... in his Bentley.  Dude has a book of course, a rap "song", an iPhone app, plus he's working on a bunch of other random shit so that he will be ballin' long after Jersey Shore ends...


7. Khloe Kardashian $2.5 million - Does this include the allowance her rich ass Lakers husband gives her?  Pretty much she's loaded for the same reasons her much more famous sister, but she would be making $3.5 extra million if her name was Kim... Just sayin'.


8. Kourtney Kardashian $2.5 million - She's the Kardashian sister with the baby.  Hopefully he'll grow up to take over Keeping Up With The Kardashians (or the Disicks, whatever...) and make fat stacks just like Mommy!  (The best part is that the mother of these three chicks demands a cut of their profit!  And she has 2 younger daughters next in line... Set. For. Life.)


9. DJ Pauly D $2 million - this Jersey Shore star was DJing long before the MTV show premiered, but no way in hell he ever made $40,000 per night before!  His own song "Beat Dat Beat" is actually catchy...  Plus he and Audrina are the only people on this list who don't have books... yet.  Oh yeah, he also said I sound "hott" on the phone!  Haha, check my interview with him from October HERE.


10. Kendra Wilkinson $2 million - This Girls Next Door star managed to land her own spinoff, marry a dude her own age(ish), start a family, and nooo way... write a book!!  But part of the reason this Playboy model made so much over the last year is from the money she received from her sex tape with an ex-boyfriend!  Shocker.

Now that you know... go on now with your low-paying meaningful job that actually makes a difference.