Hugh Hefner's wedding is canceled

They were supposed to be married this Saturday, but now, just five days before the wedding, Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris have called it off.

TMZ reports the couple with a 60-year-age difference had a huge argument over the weekend followed by Crystal moving her ass out of the Playboy mansion. Hmmm... what do you think they were fighting about?

Hef: "We're having an early bird dinner at our wedding and that's final!"

Crys: "Why aren't you dead yet?!"

Ugh, that's harsh of me to say. But truthfully, this broad always knew she'd never make it down the aisle to spend the rest of his life being his wife. She probably realized he'll live to be like 100 and decided she couldn't possibly dedicate 15 years waiting around for the reading of his last will and testament. She was totally only willing to put in 2-3 years tops.



Hef tweets, "The wedding is off. Crystal had a change of heart." Poor guy. But I'm sure he'll have new girlfriends by the end of the week.

Ricky Gervais' best lines at the Golden Globes

Everyone is taking sides today over Ricky Gervais and whether he "crossed the line" hosting the Golden Globes last night.  Even the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association says, "Some of the things were totally unacceptable."  I'm sorry but what did you expect?  If you wanted a host with shit all over their face from kissing all the celebs asses then you should have asked Ryan Seacrest.

Here are Ricky's best lines from last night... the ones that made the celebs squirm, clench their jaws, and hold back tears (via the National Post):

• “It’s going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or, as Charlie Sheen calls it, breakfast.”


• “It was a big year for 3-D movies. Toy Story, Despicable Me, Tron. It seems like everything this year was three-dimensional — except the characters in The Tourist.”


• “There were a lot of big films that didn’t get nominated this year – nothing for Sex and the City 2. I was sure the Golden Globe for special effects would go to the team that airbrushed that poster.”


• “Next up, Eva Longoria has the daunting task of introducing the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press. That’s nothing! I just had to help him off the toilet and pop his teeth in.”


• “Congratulations to Hugh Hefner, who is getting married at age 84 to 24-year-old beauty Crystal Harris. When asked why she was marrying him, she said, ‘He lied about his age. He told me he was 94′. Just don’t look at it when you touch it.”


• “Also not nominated, I Love You Phillip Morris. Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor, two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay. So the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists, then. My lawyers helped with that joke.”


• “The creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, is reportedly worth $7-billion. Heather Mills calls him the one that got away.”


• [Introducing Bruce Willis] “Ashton Kutcher’s dad!”


• [Introducing Robert Downey Jr.] “He’s the star of Iron Man, Two Girls and a Guy, Wonderboys. Sorry, are these porn films? Kiss Kiss (Bang Bang), Bowfinger. Really! Up the Academy. He has done all those films, but many of you in this room probably know him from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and Los Angeles County Jail.”


• “The next presenter is a true Hollywood icon. In ten of the biggest blockbusters of all time, he has shown his extraordinary acting versatility. He has played a boxer … and Rambo. Please welcome Sylvester Stallone!”


• “He was a jobbing actor, career not going that well if I’m being perfectly honest, who got his big break when I cast him in a show called The Office. He is now leaving that show, and killing a cash cow for both of us. Please welcome the wonderful Tina Fey, and the ungrateful Steve Carell!”

Plus, the National Post left this one out but in his sign-off speech, Ricky ended his thank-you's with, "Thank you to God for making me an atheist."



The GG's are going to be so boring next year without him...

Hef's fiancee doesn't notice the age diff...

PUH-lease betch.

Crystal Harris claims she doesn't notice the 60-year age gap between her and fiance Hugh Hefner.  The 24-year-old tells Entertainment Tonight (via US Weekly), "If anything, I have to keep up with him!"  Don't patronize us girlfriend.



To play up the role-reversal act some more, Crystal comes up with an example all by herself saying, "Last year for my birthday I wanted to go bowling. And last year for his birthday he wanted to go to Las Vegas and go to two different nightclubs at the Palms!"  Oh I'm sure you hated the free bottle service and VIP section...



And apparently Hef isn't against the idea of having more children with his bride, but she's so not going there as she explains, "Ever since I was little I always told my mom I didn't want children." --Because that would require sex with a geezer.  Plus she will soon have a 58-year-old stepdaughter and three stepsons aged 19, 20, and 55.



I'm sure they don't notice the age difference either...

Look who's getting married...

Natalie Portman, LeAnn Rimes, and Hugh Hefner all got engaged over Christmas... let's start with the most normal relationship!

According to US Weekly, Natalie Portman and some Benjamin Millepied dude (gross buggy last name --sorry) are not only engaged but expecting too!  Deal with it!  The actress met the choreographer on the set of her new thriller Black Swan where she plays a ballerina.  It's hard to NOT want to bone a straight guy who can dance, so you can't fault her for that...



On to the next one...

The couple who left their spouses for each other are now planning to become each other's one and only... for at least the near-future.  KIDDING, I'm sure there will be no more affairs with these two or else there would be a well-known saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."  LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian have confirmed to People after rumors of their getting engaged in the past, this time they are for real.  They should probably just elope, because I can't think of a wedding with more uncomfortable wedding toasts... and that includes arranged marriages.



Finally... the creepiest of all...

84-year-old Hugh Hefner has announced on Twitter that he and 24-year-old playmate Crystal Harris are planning to wed.  GROSS.  I'm KIND of surprised that it will be the third marriage for the Playboy geezer, but not really, when you think of all the girlfriends he has had... Including Holly Madison who stayed with the dude for way too long and begged to marry his wrinkly ass for years.  Girl must be pissssed now!  It's obvious this Anna Nicole Smith wanna-be is marrying him for one thing (*HINT* NOT LOVE)... but I sincerely hope Hef lives another 20 years --just to force her to put in her time.



Aaaand how many of these couples will actually make it to the altar?  Courthouse?  Playboy mansion?