Tony Romo is married

Awee matchy matchies in white... NFL player Tony Romo is now married to Miss Missouri/ Chace Crawford's little sis/ Candice Crawford. (Photo via TMZ)

People reports there were six hundred guests who attended the Romo/Crawford wedding and a shit ton of them were football players, so each one of those guys was fed their own 6-foot-long party sub or something like that... But since all the beauty pageant girls couldn't eat anything, it all balanced out!



I wonder if anyone invited brought along this mask?

Kim Kardashian is engaged

Not only is Kim Kardashian engaged, she is carrying around the fucking iceberg that sunk the Titanic on her finger. Seriously, biggest engagement ring EVER.

People reports, "The 16.5-carat emerald cut center stone is flanked by a pair of 2-carat trapezoids, for a total weight of 20.5 carats." Uhh-buhhh... While TMZ says the ring is worth $2 million. TWO MILLION DOLLARS. I'd be constantly worried that some lunatic would attack me and cut my hand off.

According to the magazine, 26-year-old NBA player Kris Humphries proposed to the reality star, 30, in her bedroom which was covered in rose petals. Seems like kind of a lame spot to pop the question, but that ring makes up for everything. He could have asked her while sitting on the toilet dropping a deuce with that bling. Truth.

Movie proposal

Normally I'd say never propose in a movie theatre... sticky floor, people "shhh!!"-ing you, that whole thing... but if you have a connection at the local theatre and put together a proposal "movie trailer", then by all means go for it. Wait don't-- it's been done.



This couple calls it the "Greatest Marriage Proposal EVER!!!" I wouldn't say it's the greatest, it goes on a little too long and you can never tell these days whether it's fake or not. Like, why didn't the bride-to-be question the camera in her face filming her watching movie previews? But whatever, it's still cute.







I wonder if she's a little pissed she missed Fast Five though?



P.S. How many marriage proposals are more about the goal to go viral rather than get married now? Just asking...

Mariah and Nick tease their baby names

They are so adorably cheesy. Mariah Carey and her husband Nick Cannon became first-time parents to twins this weekend. And now their names are a mystery with a capital M.



Let me break down how we got here:

• People reports a boy and a girl arrived on Saturday April 30, which just so happened to be the married couple’s third wedding anniversary.


• After the babies were born, Mariah and Nick listened to her hit-song “We Belong Together”. Oh my God they would.


• The next day, the new father tweeted that Rev. Al Sharpton paid a visit to the hospital to renew his and his wife’s vows, which they do every year.

Like I said, they're ridiculous but that's how they roll cause they's in LOVE.

Of course, these two are known for teasing everything about these babies so far -- the pregnancy announcement, the twins announcement, the twins sex announcement... and now the twins names announcement is coming BUT not without a hint first.



Mariah tweeted she wanted her fans to try to "guess" the names before they tell the world and had said, "both begin w/M's!!!! : )"



EASY. Mariah the II and Mariah the III. Or Mariah and Mick. I win.

Royal Wedding

The day finally arrived today where Prince William and Kate Middleton were married in front of, rumor has it, 2 billion viewers. And nothing really went wrong except for this unfortunate looking photo (via TMZ):

Cover your eyes child, not your ears!



Other than that little "things aren't what they seem" moment, this historic event was what Disney makes princess movies about... If Disney movies were 5 hours long. Don't judge me, I watched and loved every minute!-- Well except for Katie Couric's annoying as hell commentary on CBS and all those hymns and prayers. Sorry I can't.



Aside from the LURVE, the fashion was the best part hands down! I'm pretty sure the invitation read, "all women MUST wear a hat by order of the Queen" and they were all fucking glorious. Even cousin to the groom, Princess Beatrice's.

Seriously, does she have the same hat-maker as Lady Gaga?



Moving along...



Willie looked so handsome in his red uniform, but it was really sad when he had to take his hat off and reveal his thinning hair situation... But thankfully Prince Harry was there to step in as the hot prince.

Kate's sister Pippa had the most gorgeous bridesmaid dress I've ever seen... but it was obviously the BRIDE who was the most stunning of all.

 

I didn't even think I liked wedding dresses with long sleeves, but she looks amazing.



However, I now know I don't like yellow dresses. The Queen looks like a stick of buttah. And would it kill her to smile?

Please don't chop my head off...

Kate Hudson is engaged

Kate Hudson is going to marry the father of her unborn baby. Yesterday on the Today show, the pregnant actress revealed that she's been engaged to Mathew Bellamy of Muse for about a week now and had been hoping someone would eventually notice the ring. Watch as she continually lifts her hand into the camera's view until Matt Lauer finally goes, "Uhh duhhrr what's that there?"







She's like the cutest pregnant person ever.

P.S. I HAVE to see that movie.

K-Cav's engagement ring

After dating for eight months, Kristin Cavallari, 24, is engaged to Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, 27. NFL players get paid a boatload, right? That explains the ginormous rock on her finger (via US Weekly)...

Hey, maybe once they're married she can finally upgrade from MTV reality shows and star in one of the Housewives?

LeAnn Rimes & Eddie Cibrian get married

Awe, it seems like just yesterday these two were sneaking around and cheating on their spouses with each other...

LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian pulled a fast one on their friends and family when they invited them to what they thought was an "engagement party" this weekend. Surprise! It was actually their wedding. Wait, these two lied to everyone they know? NO WAY. They've never done that before...



US Weekly has the first grainy stalker shot of the bride and groom. You can't tell, but her iPhone is hidden in her bouquet so she could BE ON TWITTER THE ENTIRE TIME. Seriously, for a girl who is supposed to be on her honeymoon, she has tweeted 114 times since her wedding day. She probably direct messaged her vows to Eddie instead of saying them out loud... cause that's the only way she communicates now.

K-Fed's girlfriend is having a girl

Kevin Federline says he wants to marry his pregnant girlfriend Victoria Prince when he grows the balls to ask her.

US Weekly reports the ex-husb of Britney Spears as saying, "No wedding is in the works at all," adding, "I do want to get married. But I will wait until I have the courage to propose."



Wait, you don't have the courage to propose but you had the courage to do this on national TV?







Oh by the way, Kevin and Victoria are having a girl and naming her Jordan Federline. J-Fed for short.

Buble gets married

Michael Bublé got married to this girl whose name I had to straight up copy and paste from People's website because no way I could ever remember Luisana Loreley Lopilato de la Torre. Make that Luisana Loreley Lopilato de la Torre Bublé now.

It went down in Argentina, where LLL dl T is from.  She looks more bridesmaidey than bridey but I think they're adorable and original.  Like, could they be any hotter?

Reese gets remarried

Reese Witherspoon has married Jim Toth.  She's just so likeable, she deserves to be happy!

People reports the couple, who got engaged in December, had their wedding on Saturday evening at her California ranch.



Here are their details:

• There was an hour long pre-ceremony cocktail party. Open bar? CHUG, CHUG, CHUG.


• Reese walked down the aisle to "Here Comes The Bride". Original.


• Celebs in attendance included Alyssa Milano, Renee Zellweger, Robert Downey Jr., Tobey Maguire, and Sean Penn with Scarlett Johansson. SEAN PENN AND SCARLETT JOHANSSON. Totally going to steal the bride and groom's thunder. Are they still acting like they're not totally boning?


• Ryan Phillippe interrupted the ceremony all drunk and crying begging for his little peanut butter cup not to go through with the wedding.

Okay I made up that last one.  But if this was a romantic comedy and not an actual Hollywood wedding, you KNOW that would have happened...

Angelina from Jersey Shore is engaged

Angelina Pivarnick from Jersey Shore is engaged to a guy she's been with for a few months... this girl is not known for her great dating decisions.

On season 1 of the MTV reality show, she was the one who left the show (having no idea it would become as successful as it did) just a few episodes in over her boyfriend who was married to someone else.  Ew.  Once they broke up, she supposedly hooked up with both Pauly D and "The Situation" from the cast.  Not at the same time though!!  I think...



By the time season 2 rolled around, Angelina returned to the show and started dating a guy in Miami who bought her watches and shit while she was banging housemate Vinny on the side.  Classy.  She eventually left the show AGAIN (this time KNOWING how successful it is) and never returned for the current season back in Seaside Heights.



Since then, Angelina was said to be dating Justin 'Rated-R' one of the "villains" from The Bachelorette last year (via TMZ)... but all of a sudden now she's engaged to some dude named David Kovacs, according to US Weekly.  As she would say, "Um hello?! Are you dumb?!"







P.S. I didn't know the Staten Island Dump did weddings??

Jesse James & Kat Von D are engaged

Less than a year after he was busted for cheating on his fantastic wife Sandra Bullock, Jesse James has announced he's getting married to Kat Von D.

Do you really think you're ready for this commitment bro?  Like honestly, have you had enough time to work out whatever issues you had that led you to cheat on an amazing woman and not pull the same shit on this other chick?  I highly doubt it.



Especially with this statement to People magazine...

"You know sometimes the public and press gets it wrong. This is one of those times. 2010 was actually the best year of my life because I fell in love with my best friend. An amazing woman who stood behind me when the world turned their backs."

What a crybaby.  P.S. that's a little insensitive to your ex-wife who did nothing to deserve what you did to her.



Jesse continues:

"I have never met anyone so kind and loving and committed to making the world a better place every day. My love for her is beyond description. So honored that she said 'yes.' Growing old with her is going to be a f----n' blast!"

Kat lady, he said the same things about Sandra by the way.  You're stchupid if you buy this bullshit he's feeding you.  And no one will feel sorry for you when he fucks some random trash bag on the side.



If you cheat on him however, I do feel like people will like you more...

Dating/ engaged/ married

Kelly Osbourne, 26, is moving on from her younger boyfriend, 21-year-old Luke Worrell, by getting under someone else.  Well, sort of.  US Weekly reports the former reality star is now dating a British musician, Rob Damiani, 26, but she also tells British Cosmopolitan (via People) that she hasn't had the sex with anyone since her ex 6-months ago.  So new guy isn't hittin' it just yet I guess... make him work for it!!

Turns out Meg Ryan, 49, and John Mellencamp have been secretly dating for 7 weeks, and it was on the D/L because the singer, 59, only announced his split from his wife of 18-years on December 30th.  But RadarOnline reports the three used to hang out and were photographed having dinner two-years-ago... Husband-stealer!  Justtt kidding... I'm sure that's not what happened.  But I'm also sure Meg and John's ex-wife are NOT friends anymore.

Vivica A. Fox is the latest celeb to get engaged over the holidays...  People reports the 46-year-old actress is engaged to an Atlanta club promoter, age 27.  HAHA.  His name is Omar "Slim" White.  HAHAHA!  Apparently he's excited to start a family with her...  AHAHAHAA!!  She's so desperate...

Kellie Pickler got married to her 37-year-old boyfriend Kyle Jacobs on New Years Day.  According to People, the 24-year-old American Idol alum and her man had been dating since 2008.  I seriously hope she doesn't drop the 'pickle' from her name and become Kellie Jacobs.  If anything she should drop the 'R' in Pickler and become Kellie Pickle!!

Also married on New Years Day was Shania Twain to rebound Frédéric Thiébaud.  He was the husband of the woman the country star's first husband left her for.  Well didn't that work out nicely... tradesies!

[Image via People, who else?]

More celeb holiday engagements

Reese Witherspoon and Lily Allen are saying "Eat shit!" to break-up season and are jumping on the engagement bandwagon instead!  That's wayyy more fun wagon to be on anyway.



So poor Lily Allen suffered a miscarriage a few weeks ago and that was seriously too sad for me to even blog about, but now she has something to look forward to again... According to the Daily Mail UK, her "normal bloke" boyfriend Sam Cooper proposed to her on Christmas Day.  Dawww.  Happiness wins!

And Reese Witherspoon is settling down with a normal-ish guy as well... she and her Hollywood agent boyfriend Jim Toth got engaged over the holidays too.

Her ex-husband Ryan Phillippe, who's rumored to be dating actress Amanda Seyfried, tells the NY Daily News he's super duper happy and shit for Reese and Jim.



Well, he kind of HAS to say that.  But secretly, he's watching this clip from Cruel Intentions over and over again:

Look who's getting married...

Natalie Portman, LeAnn Rimes, and Hugh Hefner all got engaged over Christmas... let's start with the most normal relationship!

According to US Weekly, Natalie Portman and some Benjamin Millepied dude (gross buggy last name --sorry) are not only engaged but expecting too!  Deal with it!  The actress met the choreographer on the set of her new thriller Black Swan where she plays a ballerina.  It's hard to NOT want to bone a straight guy who can dance, so you can't fault her for that...



On to the next one...

The couple who left their spouses for each other are now planning to become each other's one and only... for at least the near-future.  KIDDING, I'm sure there will be no more affairs with these two or else there would be a well-known saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."  LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian have confirmed to People after rumors of their getting engaged in the past, this time they are for real.  They should probably just elope, because I can't think of a wedding with more uncomfortable wedding toasts... and that includes arranged marriages.



Finally... the creepiest of all...

84-year-old Hugh Hefner has announced on Twitter that he and 24-year-old playmate Crystal Harris are planning to wed.  GROSS.  I'm KIND of surprised that it will be the third marriage for the Playboy geezer, but not really, when you think of all the girlfriends he has had... Including Holly Madison who stayed with the dude for way too long and begged to marry his wrinkly ass for years.  Girl must be pissssed now!  It's obvious this Anna Nicole Smith wanna-be is marrying him for one thing (*HINT* NOT LOVE)... but I sincerely hope Hef lives another 20 years --just to force her to put in her time.



Aaaand how many of these couples will actually make it to the altar?  Courthouse?  Playboy mansion?

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden get married

After four years together and two children, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have finally said "I do".

US Weekly reports 150 friends and family members attended the wedding at Lionel Richie's Beverly Hills mansion over the weekend including DJ Samantha Ronson, reality star Khloe Kardashian, and I'm assuming Benji Madden, Joel's twin brother.  You know who was NOT invited though?  Paris Hilton.  Instead Nicole's BFF Masha Gordon served as maid of honor.



Rev Run officiated the ceremony (that's effing cool), and the couple's daughter Harlow was the flower girl.  There was also an elephant for some random reason... Uhh, I don't get why people invite elephants to their weddings! What if that thing takes a human-sized shit right in front of your guests?  Or worse, starts a one-elephant stampede??



But seriously... Who would have ever thought that that guy from Good Charlotte would end up marrying his rebound from Hilary Duff?

Prince William and Kate set a date

In honor of this upcoming royal wedding, I will use as many British sounding words in this post as possible.  Even if it doesn't make sense.  ESPECIALLY if it doesn't make sense.

Here we go, PIP PIP CHEERIO!  (Yes, I'm talking 1930's Brit...)



Prince William and his COMMONER girlfriend Catherine Middleton are very KEEN on a wedding date of Friday, April 29, 2011.  The BETROTHED couple have also chosen Westminster Abbey as their destination, which is much more PROPER than their original intent to marry in their FLAT.



The BBC reports the Royal Family and the Middletons will be paying for the wedding with taxpayers dishing out extra POUNDS for the added security.



William is set to wear TROUSERS while Kate is hoping to get away without wearing any KNICKERS.  They are already rehearsing their first SNOG as man and wife and yes, there will be tongue.  Unless, of course, they're involved in a ROW, which then they will be much less inclined to make out.



Dinner will be upstairs so you must take the LIFT if you're planning on enjoying your BANGERS AND MASH.  Children will be served CHIPS.  Please take your FAGS outside though as there is no smoking in WestMinster Abbey, understood?  And don't even try to sneak one into the LOO because they are equipped with highly sensitive smoke detectors.



The wedding will end at around midnight, then everyone will be asked to BUGGER OFF.



That's all for now.  CHEERS!

Prince William gets engaged

After 8 years of dating (off and on), People (and the whole damn world) reports Prince William and Kate Middleton have gotten engaged.



The proposal happened while the two were vacationing in Kenya last month... but the official announcement came today along with a Q&A session which included a shit ton of frantic photographers.







If you thought that was bad, wait until the wedding... which is expected to be in the spring or summer of 2011.



Already the upcoming event is being compared to the 1981 lavish royal wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana, but this time, thanks to YouTube and PVRs 30 years later... we won't have to stay up all night to watch it.



And the cutest part... is that Prince William gave Kate his mother's engagement ring!

Some judgey people are saying the ring is a curse (since Charles cheated on Diana and later they divorced) but for William it was important that his late-mother be apart of it in some way.  Awee!  *tear*



True, most women wouldn't like to have to wear their mother-in-law's ring but it was PRINCESS DIANA.  Don't act like you wouldn't want it!  Oh and stop comparing this poor girl to her please...

Speidi renewed their vows, if you care...

After drunk eloping in Mexico on The Hills, followed by a scripted wedding on The Hills, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have decided to have a respectful, intimate ceremony to renew their vows... on Entertainment Tonight.  And they wonder why people question their sincerity?

Spencer says of the big day yesterday, "This time it's just me and my bride [and ET] on a little secret beach with nobody else [except for our only friends, cameramen] and it's just about her. Versus last time it was about everything else, it was about drama, it was about ratings. [Now it's for any minute of publicity we can get]."



Heidi adds, "It was about everyone but us, so this is really our first wedding about Spencer and I and our love. Now I feel like I can finally just be Heidi and just be in a marriage and just be a person. I’m just really enjoying every day. [Plus I got a new face and body so I needed a new wedding to replace the pictures from the old one]."



And since these bitches be broke now, they had their latest wedding DONATED to them.  Yes, somebody horrible actually thought these two famewhores were deserving of a dream wedding, even though just a couple of months ago they were trying to divorce each other.  What is wrong with people?