Keep it to yo selves

I'm used to David Arquette's verbal diarrhea when it comes to his marriage with Courteney Cox being all full of problems and shit, but I didn't expect it from her??

The separated couple went on Howard Stern together today and the Scream 4 actress went off on her husb's erectile issues.  It's not that he has a problem getting it up... it's that he's ALWAYS hard.



She was all (via US Weekly), "This is one of our problems in our relationship. Whenever I would need consoling from David, he could not literally put his arm around me for one second without completely getting a boner."



As proof, she refers to the time her father had cancer saying, "[He] was like, 'Oh, I'm so sorry your Dad is dying. Can we fuck?'"



Courteney also revealed that he tried to sex her up in Disney World where they took their 6-year-old daughter Coco recently.  Better not have been in front of Mickey Mouse!  David tries to defend himself saying it was early in the morning (we all know what happens then) as he explains, "I'm always ready for [Courteney]," adding on a more serious level, "I know I'm more in touch with what she needs now... She takes one sort of thing and she clumps it [and says] that's what happens all the time in our relationship. It's not really true."

Courteney cuts in, "Disney World just wasn't the right time and I don't want to confuse the issue. We're going through a hard time."  She continues, "You can't count Disney World as the place where you know I'm not into you. I had just woken up. I don't think [sexual attraction] is the issue. The truth of the matter is that we love each other so much. We have such affection for each other but we are very different."



At one point David said to his wifey, who insists she hasn't gotten it on with anyone else since him, "I think you're over it, baby. You just need to admit it and we just need to figure out next steps."



This is the weirdest breakup.  I feel stressed out and I'm not even in this relationship!  Even they don't know what they are, which is a confusing mess.  David clearly wants back on that while Courteney is resentful as hell, yet can't let go.  It kind of seems like she's stringing him along as punishment.  I don't know, and I don't want to know, but they're the ones airing out their dirty laundry. And it STANKS.



So, since this is none of my biz, I'd appreciate it if you'd shut-up in public from now on, especially about anything boner related.  Try booking an appointment with a marriage counselor next time.  Like, your daughter is going to read about this one day... GROSS.

Which kiss is more awkward?

Here's Charlie Sheen planting one on Jimmy Kimmel during a surprise appearance on the talk-show last night...

And Liv Tyler and her father Steven Tyler channeling their inner Angelina Jolie/James Haven on the red carpet of her new movie's premiere...

It's the hand on the face thing... save it for your lovah, not your father, your friend, or your brotha.

Nick Lachey is getting remarried

Nick Lachey is ready to say "I Do (Cherish You)" all over again... US Weekly reports he and Vanessa Minnillo are engaged.

In a gushy statement that we must keep away from Jessica Simpson, the couple says, "We're excited and incredibly happy about our engagement and we look forward to a wonderful future together."



Wasn't she supposed to be the rebound??  Nick and Vanessa have been together since he divorced J-Simps in 2006, except for that one summer where they broke up... It's because V busted Nick watching old episodes of Newlyweds while weeping into his tuna sandwich. Wait-- maybe it was chicken?

Fiddy just wants a blowie...

Oh 50 Cent... You and your TMI tweets!



When we last left off, the rapper was talking about his sexual encounter with "a fat bitch" and now he's tweeting about his need for oral.  And he's calling his fans who don't like what they're reading 'bitches', 'ugly', and 'dickheads'.  HAAA...

Late last night Fiddy wrote, "Ok ok I really want a blow job damn what's wrong with that. just give me a little licky licky. Lol".



Followed by, "Look I'm a good person I don't ask for much. I deserve a little oral bobbing on my ball sack. I do everything better when I'm relaxed. Lol".



Then he started sticking up for the ladies needs saying, "If you a man and your over 25 and you don't eat pu**y just kill your self damn it. The world will be a better place. Lol".



And when his followers started to voice their dislike for his tweets he responded, "Look b**ch nobody ask you", and "look I can't help it if you retarded b**ch lol", and "Thanks a lot di*k head I'm still rich".  He also dissed his 'less attractive' fans who send him pictures of themselves (probably offering him BJs) tweeting, "Man some of these hoe's so ugly on here. ain't nobody gonna talk to them unless they on twitter. I be looking at they pics. my god lol".



Class act.  What will 50 tweet next?  His STD test results?  How he manscapes?  The width, length, texture, and color of his next bowel movement??

50 Cent throws his back out doing a "fat bitch"

It's like 50 Cent and Kanye West are battling all over again... not for album sales but for the most wack tweets!  And I think Fiddy is winning...

See, Kanye's tweets can be entertaining sometimes, because the guy's problems are just not regular people's problems... for example: "Man... whatever happened to my antique fish tank?"  Like, who else says that?



But 50's tweets are to the point where someone else needed to create an "English 50 Cent" account to translate what the fuck he is saying most of the time.  But there are some things that don't need translating... only a TMI warning!



Yesterday the rapper/actor tweeted, "A so look I just finished fuckin a fat bitch for the first time I wanta tell you n****s don't knock it till you try it.it was bad," adding, "Hurt my motherfucking back though I should a never tried to pick that bitch up. Lol"  HAHAHA!  No way!!  He's not serious!!!  And if he is, I hope that "fat bitch" doesn't follow him on Twitter.  Aaaahaha.



But like Kanye says... "You basically can say anything to someone on an email or text as long as you put LOL at the end."  Truth!  And on your Twitter account too I guess?  I gotta try that... but I prefer "ha ha" to "LOL".