Kirstie Alley loses Dancing With The Stars

What gives? I didn't watch this season of Dancing With The Stars yet I was still attached to the possible outcome of Kirstie Alley winning the damn thing. For all the cougars!!



Instead, in a horrible, horrible mistake (I'm kidding, don't send your Grandma after me), NFL player Hines Ward was given the sparkly disco ball they call a trophy. I'm sure he deserved it and I'm sure he can definitely bust a move and everything. It's just totally not fair though because he has all that practice with victory dances in football...

And in the end, Kirstie says she like felt she's a winner too or whatever. The 60-year-old actress tweets, "don't be upset about us not winning for long.... I won so much in the last 13 weeks that it would take hours to convey...LOVE." Yes, she won a smaller booty but I'm sure she's talking about her deeeeep friendship with Maksim Chmerkovskiy.



P.S. Charlie Sheen better be on the next season of DWTS.

Kirstie pulls a Cinderella

Kirstie Alley lost a shoe halfway through her performance on Dancing With The Stars last night.  Girl, you need some velcro.







In case you were wondering, the lyrics to that song are:



"Uhhhweeeooohhh. Whaaa jasma ah ah ah ah achhhuuu. Freeeee whahhhhshhh. Laaaa. Sweeeee weeeahhh liiii ahahaha."  And repeat.

Kirstie Alley gets dropped on DWTS

The beginning of this Dancing With The Stars clip from last night starts with Tom Bergeron doing a little girl skippity skip.  Replay that a couple of times, then skip ahead to 2:35 to see Maks Chmerkovskiy drop his beloved Kirstie Alley on the floor.  (Seriously, they should hook up he's all over her.)



But of course all these assholes are going on about it like it has anything to do with weight.  Don't you sometimes just get a cramp?  This guy is made of muscle, he could lift Kirstie and spin her around on one finger if he wanted to...







Pfft... That wasn't nearly as bad as the time I was at a dance competition in high school, did a high-kick, and kicked myself in the head.  Still won Gold though.  You know it!

Kirstie Alley on DWTS

There was only ONE good thing about the most boring premiere of Dancing With The Stars ever, and her name is Kirstie Alley.  Or 'Kristy Allen' as I heard some news broad on the radio call her... Who the hell is Kristy Allen?







You know she's not really striving for that junky mirror-ball trophy, she's dancing for the title of "M.I.L.F."  Proof (via People): afterward she was joking about banging all her son's friends.  Ha, I love her.



As if Kirstie is losing this thing though.  She scored well, she's relatable, and she is just so likable... and seriously, the fat jokes are getting old.  Shut up.  THIS WOMAN IS 60!!  She's got it going on for 60.



P.S. And is it just me or is Brooke Burke more dead behind the eyes than ever this year?  I can't blame her though, she's got to be bored with all these nobodies...

Dancing With The Stars season 12 cast

Dancing With The Stars has revealed their season 12 cast... It includes some of the least famous people I can think of.

• Chelsea Kane: a Disney ho who isn't Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato or Selena Gomez.


• Chris Jericho: a WWF (WWE) wrestler from the late 90's/early 2000's who has actually smelled what The Rock was cooking.  Example.  And yes, he's cut his hair since...


• Hines Ward: an NFL player who is on that "Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow" team.


• Kendra Wilkinson: Hugh Hefner's ex-girlfriend, wife, mother, and has the worst intro to a reality show ever.  See?


• Kirstie Alley: actress from Cheers, Look Who's Talking, It Takes Two, Veronica's Closet, etc.  No longer Jenny Craig's bitch.


• Mike Catherwood: Dr. Drew's bitch... well, his radio co-host on Loveline.


• Petra Nemcova: supermodel and a do-gooder so it's hard to hate her.


• Ralph Macchio: the Karate Kid who isn't Will Smith's son...


• Romeo: the son of an old school rapper who isn't Will Smith.


• Sugar Ray Leonard: a boxer and sports broadcaster. I won't say anything sassy about him cuz he can kick ass.


• Wendy Williams: BET talk show host... will need the tallest dance partner available.

Season 12 of DWTS premieres Monday, March 21 and I'm so canceling my season pass on TiVo for this losing bunch...