Kim & Kris's wedding registry

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries have registered for wedding gifts and it's no surprise their wishlist totals $172,000. Look at Kim's big ass... RING, these two don't do modest!

HollywoodLife.com reports the reality star and NBA player went nuts at Gearys in Beverly Hills asking for items that range from a $12.50 napkin to a $7,850.00 vase.



If I were invited to that wedding I'd be trying to grab up the napkin before it's already been purchased and I'm forced to buy an $1,100.00 ashtray. One thousand one hundred dollars... For a nasty ashtray?! That you squish dirty, stinky cigarettes into?? You know you can get those things at the dollar store, right? Do they even fucking smoke?

Khloe's nip slip

The hidden Kardashian, Khloe's nipple, busted out of her shirt and made it's first appearance on television today after being covered up for so many seasons of multiple reality shows.



Kipple Kardashian was supposedly in plain sight for 6 full minutes on Fox & Friends today which is like 60 years in areola-time.

[Yes I know you can't see it in this pic, but she actually posted the beesting on her website. She loves that this happened! So go there if you wanna see it. Or try Google, I hear you can look things up there...]

The reality star blames nobody but herself as she blogs:

"Whoops!!! My stylist Monica Rose DID tell me to wear a bra with that sheer top but being the naughty girl that I am I disobeyed and went bra-less. I have a nipple obsession and personally love when women show their nipples — perhaps I was a member of a nudist colony in my last life."

Khloe goes on to apologize for anyone who was seriously offended but says she was not embarrassed because, "We ALL have nipples!"



Yep, and you can milk just about anything with nipples.

Kim Kardashian's ring comes with reading material

Kim Kardashian's engagement ring is basically the size of a pocket watch, so it's really not too surprising that there was actually room for not one but two Bible verses to engrave.

The average person who adds a message to a ring usually only has the space for something simple like "Forever", or "Me + U = <3", or "U R hot", or "Sup"... but of course with Kim's ring she had space for a storybook with pop-up pictures pretty much.



Kris Humphries tells People, "It’s engraved, with two things from the Bible. There’s one verse [Proverbs 31: 10-31] about the perfect godly woman. The other, [1 John 3:18] is about love. It took me a few days to pick them out and research the perfect ones."



And I'm sure it only took a few days for that $2 million ring to pay for itself too after all this publicity...

Kim Kardashian is engaged

Not only is Kim Kardashian engaged, she is carrying around the fucking iceberg that sunk the Titanic on her finger. Seriously, biggest engagement ring EVER.

People reports, "The 16.5-carat emerald cut center stone is flanked by a pair of 2-carat trapezoids, for a total weight of 20.5 carats." Uhh-buhhh... While TMZ says the ring is worth $2 million. TWO MILLION DOLLARS. I'd be constantly worried that some lunatic would attack me and cut my hand off.

According to the magazine, 26-year-old NBA player Kris Humphries proposed to the reality star, 30, in her bedroom which was covered in rose petals. Seems like kind of a lame spot to pop the question, but that ring makes up for everything. He could have asked her while sitting on the toilet dropping a deuce with that bling. Truth.

Lamar, Khloe and her bow-tie on Ellen

I usually love Khloe Kardashian's style, but this bow-tie getup she wore on the Ellen DeGeneres show today... not a fan lady.  Only because it brings back bad work uniform memories for me!

Reminds me of what I had to wear when I was a banquet server in high school.  I had a drawer full of black bow-ties by the end of it because I'd always show up to work without one saying, "Oopsie I lost it! Hee hee," just to try to get out of wearing the thing.  BUT of course, they always had extras.



So I switched hotels and got a job where I could look cuter, bow-tie free. That's how against female bow-ties I am!

Kourtney Kardashian's man on Men's Fitness

First of all, why do magazines do this?  The May issue of Men's Fitness comes out on March 28th... shouldn't that be the APRIL issue?  You're not THAT ahead of the times with your PRINT media.



Whatever... It's not dumber than their decision to put Scott Disick on the cover.

Who the hell is that you may ask?  Well, that's Kourtney Kardashian's alcoholic boyfriend and baby daddy.  Who the hell is she?  Turn on E! channel, you'll most likely find one of her 3 reality shows playing and if not, you'll find out at every single commercial break promoting her family's shit.  I can't lie though, I watch it all.



But Men's FITNESS?  Really?  Scott Disick... I can't wait to read how he keeps in "shape"... by slamming bottles of Grey Goose and barfing up drunken munchies??

Kim Kardashian's song 'Jam'

Please don't tell me this song will shoot straight to #1 on iTunes...

Kim Kardashian's new song "Jam", produced by The-Dream, premiered on On-Air with Ryan Seacrest this morning.  Get ready for mediocrity!

Just no fluctuation in her voice.  My singing voice doesn't have range either, but you don't see me recording music and selling it!!  I'm a little disappointed in The-Dream, but I guess he did the best he could with what he was working with...

Anyway, according to Kim's blog, a portion of the proceeds will be donated to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital.  A PORTION.  That better be a very large portion.

The Kardashians made $65 mil in 2010

That's a lot of money they gonna pay in taxes... hey if they don't pay up, do they all go to jail??  Kidding!

The Hollywood Reporter is saying the Kardashian family made $65 million last year... that's more than Sandra Bullock, Angelina Jolie, and Tom Cruise combined.  The Huffington Post has broken down their earnings over the past year, and you may want to avoid forks, pens, or any other sharp object you may feel inclined to stab yourself in the eye with.



HERE WE GO:

• Their 3 television shows (soon to be 4): Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami, Kourtney & Kim Take New York, and coming soon Khloe & Lamar.


• Fashion lines: Dash Boutique, a line for Sears, K-Dash for QVC, Kim's Skechers Shoe, Kim's Jewelry Line for Bebe


• Perfumes: they have two fragrances (so far) - Kim has one and Khloe and Lamar have a unisex one.


• Personal appearances:  Kim charges anywhere from $100,000 - $1,000,000 to show up at an event, party, etc.


• Endorsements: Include weight loss system QuickTrim with Khloe as the spokesperson.


• Tweets: endorsing a product over Twitter can earn Kim up to $25,000 per tweet.


• The book: "Kardashian Konfidential".


• Magazines: Getting married and having babies = coin.  Khloe's wedding and Kourtney's baby exclusives sold for $300,000 each.  Each time anyone in the family makes the cover of a tabloid (which is nearly every week) they get paid.


• Music: Kim has a single produced by The-Dream.

The family "momager" (mom/manger who earns 10%) Kris, mother of 6 and stepmom to 4, says, "My fantasy is to have Keeping Up With Kardashians, Season 26. Who knew it would be this profitable? I should have had more kids."



Though she adds, "We definitely worry about overexposure. We never want to get to a place where people are thinking, ‘Enough is enough.’" --uhh I think you're already there, lady.  You know she's not worried about overexposure at all.  Kris would put the Kardashian name on coffins, boxed wine, boner pills...

Khloe & Lamar's unisex fragrance

On February 12th you can finally smell like Khloe Kardashian and her husband Lamar Odom.  FINALLY.  I've always wanted to smell like a couple I don't know.

The reality star tells E! News, "He's always wanted a unisex fragrance!"  Really, a manly man NBA player said that?  Yeah right.  More like you told him he wanted to go in on a fragrance with you.  OR, he propositioned his wife all Joey on Friends like, "Baby, you and I... sex?"  Which led Khloe to believe he meant, "Unisex fragrance?"



But for real here... for any couple who wants to smell the same, you don't have to do EVERYTHING together!

Ginger Kardashian

What the hell have you done Khloe Kardashian?



The reality star showed up to the People's Choice awards last night with RED HAIR (via People Style).  Please tell me this shit washes out...

I don't know if you can be my favorite Kardashian anymore (yes you can have a favorite Kardashian...)

I sense a divorce coming...

Seriously, how many reality shows do these Kardashian people need?

US Weekly reports Khloe Kardashian and husband Lamar Odom are getting their own "Newlyweds-type" spinoff.  Uhhh are you stoops?  Hasn't every single couple with a "Newlyweds-type" reality show since gotten divorced?  Yes.  They have.



The yet-to-be-titled Keeping Up With The Kardashians spinoff (the third one and counting) is set to begin filming in the Spring.  Presumably, it will air on the E! channel.  DUH.  They should just change it to the K! channel already...

Kourtney Kardashian brags about being 95 lbs

Kourtney Kardashian is on the cover of OK! magazine flaunting the fact that she lost all her baby weight (hasn't she been on like 20 of these covers before?) by forgetting to eat and stuffing her face with junk food.  Typical bullshit from a celeb.  Doesn't this family hawk diet pills for a living??

According to JustJared, the eldest Kardashian sister lost 45 pounds total since giving birth to her son Mason and now weighs in at 95 lbs.  She is only 5-feet tall so that is the absolute lowest weight she can be without being considered underweight according to this BMI thingy.



Kourtney's weight-loss secrets include breastfeeding (legit), eating constantly, getting her reality show crew to remind her that she's hungry, munching on two double stuffed oreos instead of a whole box, snacking on ruffles, and mini donuts.



Yep, this doesn't make people respect you for your "hard work", it makes them hate your guts.  Your cookie, donut and chips-filled guts!

Richest reality stars

Seriously... why waste your money on petty things like an education when you can just grow up to be on reality television and make millions every year?  Fuck school!



The Daily Beast has come out with the list of the top-earning reality stars of 2010, and yes it will make you feel poor and shitty.

1. Kim Kardashian $6 million - the girl whores herself out for any product, including credit card scams... She'll also show up pretty much anywhere you want if you've got $75,000 to cover her outrageous appearance fee.  Plus she "wrote" a book with her less famous sisters.


2. Lauren Conrad $5 million - even though she's not on The Hills anymore, she'll be back on reality TV soon with her new show.  Take THAT Kristin Cavallari.  In the meantime, she's making her cheese from her fashion line and she also "writes" books.


3. Bethenny Frankel $4 million - I can't even tell you which Real Housewives show this woman is on, yet somehow she's making all this coin??  Apparently she has her own spinoff and surprise surprise... she's a "writer".  Her books are about how to get skinny without barfing.  She's also a contestant on Skating With The Stars.  Yeah, not even famous enough for Dancing With The Stars!


4. Audrina Patridge $3.5 million - This Hills star turned Dancing With The Stars contestant has her own reality show coming out next year so watch it LC... Plus she models on the side.  Finally, someone who doesn't have a book! 


5. Kate Gosselin $3.5 million - Oh look, another "author".  This broad has four books and twice as many children.  She pulls in $250,000 per episode of Kate Plus Eight.  And just like you won't find Jon Gosselin on TLC anymore, you won't find him on this list either.  Sucka.


6. Mike "The Situation" $3 million - (By the way, I'm impressed the first five people on this list are women!)  It's been just over a year since we first went "WTF is this mess on MTV?" and this guy is laughing all the way to the bank... in his Bentley.  Dude has a book of course, a rap "song", an iPhone app, plus he's working on a bunch of other random shit so that he will be ballin' long after Jersey Shore ends...


7. Khloe Kardashian $2.5 million - Does this include the allowance her rich ass Lakers husband gives her?  Pretty much she's loaded for the same reasons her much more famous sister, but she would be making $3.5 extra million if her name was Kim... Just sayin'.


8. Kourtney Kardashian $2.5 million - She's the Kardashian sister with the baby.  Hopefully he'll grow up to take over Keeping Up With The Kardashians (or the Disicks, whatever...) and make fat stacks just like Mommy!  (The best part is that the mother of these three chicks demands a cut of their profit!  And she has 2 younger daughters next in line... Set. For. Life.)


9. DJ Pauly D $2 million - this Jersey Shore star was DJing long before the MTV show premiered, but no way in hell he ever made $40,000 per night before!  His own song "Beat Dat Beat" is actually catchy...  Plus he and Audrina are the only people on this list who don't have books... yet.  Oh yeah, he also said I sound "hott" on the phone!  Haha, check my interview with him from October HERE.


10. Kendra Wilkinson $2 million - This Girls Next Door star managed to land her own spinoff, marry a dude her own age(ish), start a family, and nooo way... write a book!!  But part of the reason this Playboy model made so much over the last year is from the money she received from her sex tape with an ex-boyfriend!  Shocker.

Now that you know... go on now with your low-paying meaningful job that actually makes a difference.

"Dead" celebrity charity backfire

In case you have been wondering why Kim Kardashian hasn't been retweeting the daily kiss ass compliments her followers tweet her, it's because the broad is "digitally dead" along with a bunch of other celebs.



Alicia Keys, Ryan Seacrest, Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake and more signed off their social networking sites yesterday and won't return until $1 million has been raised for people living with AIDS/HIV in India and Africa.



For higher impact/creepy effect, each celeb posed in a coffin.  While Alicia Keys looks peaceful, Kim Kardashian couldn't look more slutty.

The arm above her head?  Maybe some people (hookers) look like that when they're FOUND dead, but nobody would put you in a coffin like that.  Come onnn.



Anyway, these celebs probably thought this shit would be a breeze and they'd be back on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, and EHarmony in no time but DListed reports so far only $162,000 has been donated.  That's because the majority of people are like wait-- we can get Kim Kardashian off Twitter??



Maybe instead of this stupid "I'm playing dead" thing (even my dog thinks it's silly), these rich ass celebs should be donating their OWN damn money too.  But you know every single one of them is loving it and probably fantasizes about their actual deaths with all the media coverage they would get... sickos.

Kardashian Kredit Kard Kanceled

Three weeks ago, the Kardashian Kredit Kard launched but now they're already hitting the shredders.

The Huffington Post reports the fees for the pre-paid credit card were considered "predatory" and surpassed all other prepaid credit card fees on the market.  Basically, consumers wallets were being raped for simply having the faces of the three Kardashian sisters on their card... which is embarrassing that you would even want that to begin with...



Here's the breakdown:

• Just buying the card costs $59.95 for the first 6 months, or $99.95 for a year.


• After that it's an additional $7.95 per month to keep using the card.


• It's also $1.50 to take money out of an ATM, and $1.00 to check your balance.


• Talking to a customer service representative on the phone will cost you $1.50.


• The charge for cancelling the card is $6.00.


• And losing the card will result in a $9.95 charge, plus $50-$500 losses.

And all that doesn't even include actually putting money on the card to spend, which without doing so would make it pointless!  But for the 250 people who ACTUALLY fell for this cash grab, don't worry you will get your money back.



And a word of advice, don't ever buy anything where they change the letter "C" to a "K".  Kardashian KARD?  Really...

Kim K is dating Halle Berry's ex

In Hollywood, you don't go on a date sitting in the front row of an NBA game if you're hoping to keep your relationship on the D/L... so obviously Kim Kardashian and Gabriel Aubry WANT to be seen together.



TooFab reports the reality star, 30, and male model, 34, have been dating for a few weeks now.  And it's like, "fun!" and "fresh!" and stuff like that.

In case you've forgotten his sexy face... Gabriel Aubrey is Halle Berry's ex-boyfriend and the father to their 2-year-old daughter, Nahla.  He and the Oscar-winning actress, 43, broke up earlier this year when he wanted to date younger women... And now he's dating a Kardashian sister.  Backfire.

Kim Kardashian is recording an album...

Okay Paris Hilton...



TMZ reports Kim Kardashian is recording an album and The-Dream is producing it!  HAHAHA! HAHAHA! HAHAHA!  That's funny...

Not much is known about her "music" at the moment, but apparently Kim has "a really good voice."  A really good voice that they will process and auto-tune the shit out of...



What's the opposite of a Grammy??

John Mayer may be hittin' Kim Kardashian

Ew.  Kim Kardashian, you can do so much better.

Rumor has it, via Page Six, that John Mayer and the E! reality star are seeing each other.  Apparently they went out on a group date to see if they would hit it off, but what-- they were too scared to be alone with each other?  Aren't these two in their 30's??



Here's why I'm not 100% convinced this is true:

1. John is white.


2. John is not an athlete.


3. John is not even ripped like an athlete... Exhibit A.

Yeah, they were probably just hanging out as friends... but THAT wouldn't be a story now would it??

Superficial city

Really Kim Kardashian??



First of all, what do YOU think about when you think about the WORST thing in the world? ...cancer?  ...cold-blooded murder?  ...child molesters?



Well if you're Kim Kardashian you think it's when women wear the wrong shade of make up... I'm serious.  She tells the Toronto Sun, "I hate when women wear the wrong foundation color, it might be the worst thing on the planet when they wear their make up too light."

From the girl who cakes it on...

Kim Kardashian drops $100 Gs at Hermes

If I ever drop $100,000 (if I HAD $100,000)... it would probably be on a down payment for a house.  I really can't justify spending that kind of cash on anything else.  Not even on a sick whip...



But if you're Kim Kardashian, you spend that much on a shopping trip in ONE store.  What the shit?!

TMZ reports the reality star and her mom Kris Jenner bought $100,000 worth of purses at Hermes in Paris yesterday.  How many do you think they bought??  100?  50??  Try SEVEN.  Six were $10,000 Birkin bags, and one was a $30,000 rare crocodile skin bag.  Seriously, your fucking purse costs more than my car.



Oh and by the way, it's only a PURSE!  It's a piece of cloth you shove your shit you can't function without into while out of the house.  What a Goddamn waste...