Nicolas Cage arrested for being a dumbass

I guess the way Nicolas Cage acts in movies is the way he acts in real life. Like a drunken, belligerent, asshole:







TMZ reports the actor was arrested this weekend for domestic abuse and disturbing the peace.



I guess what happened was Cagey got so drunk in New Orleans (where he is filming a movie) that he couldn't remember where he was staying. When his wife tried to reassure him that she knew their rental address, he didn't believe her or thought she was stupid or some shit. From there, Nic instigated a loud, public argument which resulted in his own arrest. But not before daring the police to arrest him.



You just can't be that stupid. You never dare the police to arrest you just like you never dare Donald Trump to fire you or dare a serial killer to murder you.

[the sexy mugshot]

Rumor has it, if his loud noises on the street didn't catch the attention of police, him aggressively grabbing Mrs. Cage by the arm to show her where he really thought they lived did. (She denies any abuse.) Nicolas also hit a bunch of parked cars and then not so subtly tried to stumble into a cab. When the cops ordered him out and told him to go home, that's when he screamed, "NO! I wanna go with you instead!!"



According to the website, he's now out on $11,000 bail posted by Dog Chapman, The Bounty Hunter himself, so don't fucking run unless you want to get your ass tracked down and beat on A&E.



This all could have been avoided if Nicolas Cage had just been wearing one of those t-shirts that says: "If you find me, please take me to (insert address here)!"

Lindsay playing hide-and-seek with pops

In case you were wondering how Lindsay Lohan's relationship is with her father these days, it's still dysfunctional.

TMZ reports that the actress was hiding out in a closet this weekend while Michael Lohan was banging on her windows.  Healthy.  He says he wasn't trying to break in but that she asked him to come over to bring her a bunch of shit such as clothes, money, and receipts to prove he's paying child support to her mother Dina for the underage kids still at home.



Okay, but if someone invites you over, you don't lurk in their backyard and pound on the windows if they don't answer.  Unless you're psycho?  Of course Michael has an excuse for that though... he didn't want paparazzi to see him.  As if!  Well I'm sure they HEARD him regardless.



However, this story does have a happy ending... Nobody called the cops putting these two at risk for even more legal problems AND, according to TMZ, the father/daughter eventually met up this morning and had breakfast.  Dawww!  And Michael will probably tell the gossip website everything they talked about by dinnertime.

LeBron's mom arrested for bitch-slapping

Gloria James, a.k.a. LeBron's mother, was arrested in Miami Beach this morning for smacking a valet attendant.  You shouldn't dooo thattt.

The NBA mama was partying at a hotel nightclub and when she stumbled to get her car (to drive drunk, smart), she thought it was taking too long to retrieve it so she open-slapped the employee across the face.  Okay Naomi Campbell...



TMZ reports the way it went down was the valet got the car, Gloria was have drunken chats with people for 30 minutes so he eventually turned the car off.  Idling is not cool for the planet.  Then all of a sudden G was like, "Yo, where the fuck my keys?" and slapped the guy.  As she slapped him, she fell on her ass as non-sober people tend to do.  The call to police came in at 4:47AM.  Nice.  When the cops rolled up to question her she said, "I don't trust your kind."  HAHA, cuz their "kind" busted her ass for a DUI in 2006.



She was arrested, charged with simple battery and disorderly intoxication, then released.



LeBron has made a statement on Gloria's dumbassness telling reporters (via TMZ), "You have to move forward ... It is my life and there’s certain things you have to deal with. You try not to let it be a distraction. I have a job to do, still."  Adding, "It’s very sensitive because it’s your mother. Of course to have an incident, it’s very sensitive. But the people around me are helping me."



But what he really meant to say was, "SIT YO ASS DOWN!"

Meat Loaf = snap show

Want to seem crazier than Gary Busey?  Just snap on him over art supplies like a 5-year-old child throwing a temper tantrum in finger-painting class.  Except you're not 5-years-old, you're 63.  "You stole my colorsss!"



On last night's Celebrity Apprentice, Meat Loaf succeeded at the impossible... making Gary Busey look good.  The rock star accused the actor of stealing his paints and shit as they were about to make paintings for charity but OOPS, turns out Gary didn't take it... raging dumbass Meat just lost his bag of supplies.  Uh duhhr.







Well, his name IS Meat Loaf.  You gotta have issues to seriously call yourself that.

Stage 5 clinger

I think it's safe to say, she's DTF.  Like "down to fuck".  That's fuck like F-U-C-K.  F as in fuck. U as in Eunice. C as in... Cat.  K as in.  K?







She's my idol.

Teen Mom arrested for fighting video

Oh this Jenelle Evans is really a gem.  She makes Amber Portwood from the original Teen Mom look like a saint...

Jenelle was featured in season 2 of 16 & Pregnant when she had her baby in August 2009.  Somehow, despite her disgusting behaviour and completely unlikable personality, Jenelle made it to the Teen Mom 2 spinoff.



Probably the worst mother this show has seen yet, the now 19-year-old lost custody of her son Jace to her own mother Barbara last year.  Seemingly unfazed by this, Jenelle continued acting like a fuckup... Examples: stealing her mom's credit cards, getting high, being arrested for possession of marijuana, etc.



TMZ reports she's now she's been arrested again, this time for assault.

On Friday, the website posted an absolutely revolting video of Jenelle mouthing off and then beating up a "friend" named Britany.  I won't even repost it here because it sickens me, but in the footage you can see the reality "star" making this girl bleed and not letting up when it's clear she's unable to defend herself.  Plus her repulsive friends are encouraging this all, one even pushing her into Britany to get things started.



It all went down in FRONT of Britany's house which Jenelle was apparently invited to.  Oh, what a nice guest... She supposedly jumped B over a dude, Keiffer, who is featured in Teen Mom 2.

[Keiffer is Jenelle's boyfriend but not Jace's dad.  The baby-daddy would be her ex-boyfriend Andrew who has been to jail (and may still even be there) himself.  You see, this girl has a GREAT track record.]



Some of the instigators and witnesses of the fight have been arrested too... but TMZ says so did the victim Britany??  This is so fucked up.  In a statement, Jenelle's lawyer says he believes his poor, poor client was setup.  OKAY.



Put this filthy trick where she belongs... in a dirty jail cell where she can soon learn how it feels to get her ass kicked relentlessly.

Chris Brown snaps after 'GMA' interview

That's called vandalism bro, and you're on probation smartie pants...

Reporter Robin Roberts asked Chris Brown before this Good Morning America interview today if she could question him about his ex-girlfriend Rihanna to which he agreed, according to TMZ.  Obviously though, during the actual sit-down, she and the 2009 assault were the last things he wanted to talk about.



If you can get past the Sisqo blond hair, you'll notice his smile saying "You better watch it bitch," while his eyes scream, "Shut the fuck up!!" the entire time.  Awkward.  Obviously he's not ready for this shit.







Following that, he performed an extremely auto-tuned version of “Thong Song” “Yeah 3x” which only his dance moves made up for.  It sucks, 'cause you know the guy can actually sing…



Afterward, TMZ reports he supposedly ripped his shirt off ‘Hulk’ styles, screamed so loud in his dressing room it resulted in security being called, and then a window was mysteriously broken… Before he left the building, Chris allegedly got in the face of an ABC producer which had to be broken up.  TOUGH GUY.



He also blew off another performance he was scheduled to do for the GMA website.  That's professional.



Breezy vented on his Twitter writing, “I’m so over people bringing this past shit up!!! Yet we praise Charlie Sheen and other celebs for there bullshit.”  He quickly deleted that tweet and replaced it with, “All my fans!!! This album is for you and only you!!! I’m so tired of everyone else!! Honestly!! I love team breezy!!”  Adding, “Thank you to everyone who supports my music!!! Key Word ( music) !!! Love y’all”

His new album “F.A.M.E.” is available today.  It stands for “Failing As Many Expected”...

Lohan arrested... Michael that is

Lindsay Lohan's dad Michael Lohan has been arrested for domestic violence after a psychotic sounding incident with his ex-girlfriend Monday night.

[this is not even a new mugshot]

TMZ reports Kate Major stopped by their old apartment to pick up some of her stuff and he was all pissed that she was leaving him for good.  I'm guessing he was probably holding her personal items hostage at first, and when that didn't work, he tossed her around the room.  Yeah, that makes a girl want to stay!!



Once she threatened to call the police, he choked her with a towel like a professional murderer or some shit... Then he turned into an emo teenager and threatened to cut himself with a razor blade.  Such a turn on.

After Kate got away, she went to the cops with visible injuries so they rightfully arrested Michael's ass and charged him with three felonies which are inflicting corporal injury on a co-habitant, false imprisonment, and preventing the report of victimization.  You're DONE.



But in a twist of events, Michael had some acid reflux or whatever because he complained of chest pains and got sent to the hospital. Upon his release he'll be sent for booking and his bail has been set at $200,000.



Meanwhile, his daughter Lindsay is due in court Wednesday to let the judge know whether she'll accept a plea deal, which includes jail time, or risk even more jail time and go on trial for her necklace snatching case. THIS FAMILY... I can't.

Charlie Sheen's 20/20 quotes

Charlie Sheen's hour long interview with 20/20 aired last night.

At this point, he's a living one-liner.  Here are his best/delusional quotes from the ABC news program:

If he's on drugs: "I am on a drug it's called Charlie Sheen!"

On his father Martin Sheen: "I don't care if he's my Dad, back off with your judgement!"

Why he's taken so many drugs: "I have one speed, I have one gear... GO!"

How he survives all the drugs: "I've got tiger blood, man."

On his insomnia: "Sleep is for infants."

On his two "goddesses"/girlfriends: "Maybe the three of us will get married, OH now it's a polygamy story!"

The lesson he's teaching his sons: "Hey kids, your Dad is a rockstar!"

Speaking in third person, why his daughters need him, "He signs all the checks on the front, not the back."

How much he's suing Two and a Half Men honchos for: "All your toupees!"

If he's bi-polar: "I'm bi-WINNING."

His plans for the future: "Just winning. Everyday."

What his tombstone will say: "Something dot com."

In other Charlie Sheen news...

• He's on Twitter.


• TMZ reports his ex-wife Brooke Mueller has gotten a temporary restraining order banning him from coming within 100 yards of her.


• Also, their twin boys have been taken from his custody after he allegedly threatened her life.


• Brooke has a supposed anti-Semetic text message sent from Charlie, which he denies.  He claims she stole his phone and fabricated it. (via TMZ)


• Brooke also claims that Charlie wanted some child support money back to put a hit out on some of his associates and shave ex-wife Denise Richards' hair off.  (according to TMZ)


• Charlie calls Brooke's statements "a friggen lie" and wants to challenge her to a drug test.  She says she's working on her sobriety in a day program.  (People)

Is that it for today??  WINNING.

This season of 'Two and a Half Men' is dunzo

Charlie Sheen goes off on radio rants daily (some are calling them anti-Sematic) about the creator of Two and a Half Men... that on top of his problems with addiction, and he wonders why his show has been brought to a halt??

E! News broke the news with the official statement, "Based on the totality of Charlie Sheen's statements, conduct and condition, CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of Two and a Half Men for the remainder of the season." 

Of course Charlie has something to say about that... Speaking about the creator of 'Men', Chuck Lorre, he's only proving that he's killed most of his brain cells as he explains in an open letter (via TMZ):

"This contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong."

Charlie has told Good Morning America that he doesn't care what they say, he's showing up to the set of Two and a Half Men no matter what... but then he said he has an HBO show in the works so he doesn't give a shit about 'Men'.  Dude, you have NOTHING.

No surprise here, HBO is denying to E! News that there's any show in the works with Charlie Sheen.  So he's delusional... And I have a hard time believing he's actually clean with all of his overcompensating to SEEM sane and healthy... Recovery is a long process, there are no shortcuts and clearly he doesn't understand that.  He also doesn't understand that his actions have consequences hence why he's on his way to losing his show.



First of all, it's not YOUR fucking TV show bro.  All you do is squint at the camera and memorize lines that OTHER people wrote.  You're overpaid, you're ungrateful, and you don't deserve your job anymore.  Period.  The sad thing is though, that this joker's stubbornness and pride is the reason that everyone else's livelihood on the crew is now threatened.  Life-ruiner.



Wait --did they just say he has two girlfriends??  And that all three of them went on vacation to the Bahamas with his ex-wife Brooke Mueller?  Yeah, that's obviously an idea a sober person came up with...

Frankie Muniz didn't try to off himself

The police report is filled with two sides to what seems like a very crazy story... and whatever went down, it definitely was NOT a good night for Frankie Muniz and his girlfriend.  Yes, he has one of those.

TMZ reports Malcolm in the Middle's rep as saying, "Frankie and Elycia [Turnbow] had an argument a few days ago. The police were called to the residence. A gun played no part in the argument and was voluntarily given to the police for safekeeping. There were no bruises and neither left the residence. He was not suicidal. She was not assaulted," adding that the couple is "still together and are moving forward with their lives and with their relationship."  He says he's gonna marry her, yo.



That's great.  However, it doesn't sync up to THIS police report:

• Friday night - the two are fighting about previous relationships when Frankie grabbed a gun and held it to his head.


• Elycia calls Frankie's bandmates (wait-- he's in a band??) to take him to the hospital.


• Frankie goes to the hospital and says what really happened, you see, is he fell and hit his head while she was screaming at him about some shit.  Ohhh!


• He goes home from the hospital and allegedly punches Elycia in the back of the head and throws her into a wall.


• Police show up.


• Frankie denies any abuse... denies that the gun was loaded... denies that he held it to his head.


• Police found the gun, it was loaded.


• Frankie claims he was defending himself because he woke up to his woman beating up on him.


• Cops take away his gun and warn him not to act a fool again of they'll throw them both in jail.

Something is off here... Put Agent Cody Banks on the case!

Charlie Sheen thinks he's "ready" for work

For some reason Charlie Sheen called into the Dan Patrick radio show yesterday to bitch about the producers of Two and a Half Men not letting him get back to work yet.  Dude, you've been "in-home rehab" for like 2 weeks... people already think that's a joke in itself, going back to work right now will won't help.

While Charlie was on the line, his voice sounded all raspy and shit but had a really good explanation... he said it's because he was banging on the door of his set recently but nobody would let him in!  Uhhh, clue #1 right there you're not ready.  No sober/healthy person bangs on the door of their workplace.



There's a whole 28 minutes of that mess, you can listen to it HERE.

In other Charlie news, TMZ reports some porn star he was recently partying with, the one who sold him out to the media about that suitcase of cocaine, is pregnant.  She told him in a text message but says she doesn't think it's his.  I guess she's going to press the big red A-button though because she writes, "I'm going to Oregon to take care of the situation."



Wow, you'd think a PORN star, you know someone who has SEX for a living, knows how to avoid an unwanted pregnancy.  Or the girl sold her text message screenshot to TMZ hoping to get even more attention off her association off a drug addicted actor.  Yep, I think that's it.



Finally, at least 4/8 episodes of this season of Two and a Half Men have been canceled (says AllCharlieSheenAllTheTime.com-- OH WAIT, I mean TMZ) and the crew won't be getting paid.  Hey, doesn't this joker make like over $1 million per show?  Uh duhhrr, make him pay those lost wages, he's the reason they're all screwed right now.  Or at least give them each a brick of cocaine, that's gotta be worth something...

Ellen & Portia have a stalker

Ugh, who could do this to Ellen?  The talk-show host and her wife Portia DeGeneres had to deal with a psycho outside of their home not once but twice in one night last week.

According RadarOnline, some random named Karen Grace Sjoden was hiding under cushions on the deck outside of their kitchen early in the morning.  Yeah, that's not scary at all... Security was called and she was asked to leave around 3AM, but returned around 5AM.  Stalkerrr.



Sjoden (is that a silent 'j'?) was charged with misdemeanor trespassing was arraigned in Beverly Hills court this afternoon.  Of course the broad pled not guilty but had something special to say... "This is a set up."  HAHA.  She said she was doing a private investigating job.  Bitch, you can't just hide on other people's patios in the middle of the night like a creep and attempt to pass it off as legit work.  What are you investigating anyway?  Sleep patterns of celebrities??



And perhaps if Karen G wouldn't have gotten caught at Ellen and Portia's, she would have fluffed the pillows on other celebs porches too... she was found with a list several other Hollywood stars names and addresses.  Plus she had a rambling letter on her all about Hillary Clinton.  Yep, nutjob.

Karen G Sjoden's bail was set at $200,000 today and was ordered to stay at least 100 yards away from the DeGeneres...es.  She should just stay 100 yards away from people in general...

Ugly times for Halle & Gabriel

While Halle Berry is trying to make Gabriel Aubry look bad in the media, it's hard to believe she actually has their daughter's best interests at heart... because if she did she wouldn't be trying to cut Nahla's father out of her life and bashing him in public.

It seems as though the actress has nothing to go on here as TMZ reports Halle is claiming her daughter "cries hysterically and throws tantrums" whenever her daddy comes to pick her up for visits.  It leads her to "believe" there's something bad happening to her... well maybe it's because you're letting the child believe her father is a monster?!  Or it's quite possible those outbursts from Nahla are not happening at all.

There's also the reports that Gabriel calls his ex the "N-word"... and is petty, jealous, and an inattentive parent.  Those are some pretty harsh allegations, wonder who made them up?  However, there are also rumors that while G was dating someone else last year *cough Kim Kardashian! cough* Halle would call him to scream and swear at him... She just seems so bitter.  She can't deal with their breakup and the fact that he's moved on (even though she's been dating someone else) now she's out for revenge.  Selfish.

In a statement to Access Hollywood, the Canadian male model refuses to stoop to her level.  Part of it reads, "The fact is that Gabriel is a caring father who shares custody of Nahla. Gabriel fully believes that a consistent and balanced living situation and two loving parents are crucial for their child even if Ms. Berry feels otherwise. He will always defend his rights as a father and will always consider Nahla’s best interest. Halle’s continuing allegations in the press are untrue and irresponsible."



Team Gabriel!

Charlie Sheen in hospital

Charlie Sheen landed himself in the hospital this morning following a 36-hour bender.

The Two-and-a-Half Men actor was complaining of severe stomach cramps and no it was not his time of the month... they were due to a hernia.  However, TMZ reports he was partying with a briefcase of cocaine.  A freakin' BRIEFCASE.  What a shitshow!  Yeah, that will send you straight to the emergency room for sure...



And while he was smoking coke from a green pipe, he and his porn star friends were watching PORN (what else?) for hours as Charlie was critiquing it.  Well he IS the expert...



He'll spend the night in the hospital.  Hopefully they'll chain him to the bed and detox him for a week while he's there, FUH REAL.



Dude.  You're gonna die.  Figure out your life!!

X-Tina is drunk and mouthy

Sup with Christina Aguilera lately?  Does she seriously have rage issues from being compared to Britney Spears all those years ago?  Or maybe she's not coping with her divorce well... cuz a couple of things have gone DOWN lately that are less than flattering for her character.



First, E! News reports the Burlesque actress started a bitch fight with co-star Julianne Hough last Friday.  Apparently X-Tina used her Christina singing voice to scream at the former Dancing With The Stars pro for reasons unknown.  A witness says she got all up in Julianne's face and tried to grab at her and shit.  It ended with everyone feeling the sorries for J-Hough who didn't have her boyfriend Ryan Seacrest to stand on his tippie-toes and defend her.  Don't tell me they were fighting over him...



Then US Weekly came out with a story that Christina got drunk and passed out in Jeremy Renner's bed totally uninvited recently.  She supposedly showed up unannounced to the actor's 40th birthday party at his house earlier this month with her new man Matthew Rutler.  And judging by the fact that the birthday boy's parents were there, it probably wasn't one of those "let's get waaaasted!" parties...  But that didn't stop her!



 Renner was overheard telling friends at a Golden Globe afterparty last Sunday that when he busted X-Tina in his bed, she was slurring her words and her boyfriend was giving her a back massage.  He was all, "Who comes to someone's birthday party that they don't know and gets in their bed?!"



An actual guest of Jeremy's that night added, "Christina was a mess at that party. She acted like a fool. Her boyfriend was shushing her and telling her to go to sleep."



So what does this alleged drunk betch have to say about these rumors?  Her rep denies them obviously calling the first incident "nonsense" and handles the other like this: "When Jeremy Renner's rep says it's not true I don't think it warrants a comment from Christina."

Jeremy's rep didn't exactly call it untrue though... because the statement said, "She was enjoying herself, but she wasn't in his bed."



That's so interpretive.  I'll take it as she WAS hammered then.  And maybe in the spare bedroom.

RECAP: season 3 premiere of Jersey Shore

Season 3, Season 2 Part 2, whatever... The Jersey Shore crew are back in Seaside where it all began and this time they've dropped Angelina and replaced her with Snooki's new sidekick.

Here's what you need to know in case for some reason you missed this amazing mess last night!...

• Everyone has upgraded their rides to BMWs, Range Rovers and Cadillacs but apparently everyone still lives at home.


• Snooki is a ginge guidette.


• Pauly D's mom is so sweet and concerned about hygiene.


• Vinny has a shower caddy just like your Grandma's!


• Sammi is bitter and so NOT a "Sweetheart".


• Ronnie is P-whipped.


• "Whore-bag" is J-Woww's secret nickname.


• The Situation got screwed in the rooms department thanks to Ron and Sam who for some reason don't think it will be awkward...


• Apparently new girl Deena Nicole has a hard name to pronounce.


• Deena is willing to let Snooki borrow her vibrator.  No, you shouldn't share those... thankfully Snooks has her own.


• Sammi had a chance to bridge the gap with Snooki and J-Woww by simply being polite to Deena who was very friendly at first... but she blew it!


• The Situation has the line of the night with: "If Deena was a holiday she'd definitely be Thanksgiving because she's got a lot to give... and she's down for a lot of stuffing!"


• Sammi takes the cliche phrase: "If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen!" literally.


• 'Flip Cup' is hard to play on a windy night.


• Snooki still wants Vinny bad.  He banged her friend Ryder two weeks before filming began.  Yeah he RODE HER.


• J-Woww tells Vinny to "stick it in one of the jet holes" in the hot tub.  That is very dangerous advice.


• "Find my hat" is codeword for "Find my Kooka."


• Deena flashed her NaaNaa to The Situation "on accident".


• NaaNaa is the new Kooka.


• At least Sammi and Deena agree that Sammi was laughing at Deena.


• The C-word is thrown around very freely these days.


• Deena is nominated for Rookie Of The Year!  She's the only rookie in the house though...


• Ronnie doesn't jump out of bed to stand up for his girlfriend until Deena talks shit about him too.


• Nobody talks until Ronnie is done talking!!!


• Oh shiiiit, Snooki brought Ronnie's mama into it.


• And J-Woww uses her fists, not her words.

 Yep, Thursday is officially my new favorite day of the week once again!

The latest on Lindsay

Yes, it really has been three months and Lindsay Lohan is now free to leave rehab.



TMZ reports the actress is staying in treatment until at least tomorrow though to take a few more classes before moving into her new Venice, California beach house WHICH just so happens to be located next-door to her ex, Samantha Ronson.  What a stalker.  And P.S. that might not be so good for your sobriety there LiLo uh duhrr... Sam is not stoked about it to say the least.  Just look at her maaad face!

But there's a chance L.L. won't be spending too much time at her new crib anyway as she could be facing possible jail time AGAIN.  Remember that bitch-fight between her and that spaz at the Betty Ford Centre?  Well, according to CNN, police are saying they believe Lindsay committed battery and it's now up to the judge to decide whether she violated her probation or not.  Uh oh!  (Spaghetti-o.)



Previously the judge stated that if Lohan violates the rules of her rehab program or fails a drug test before her next court date on February 25th, she'll be sent to jail for 180 days.  This is the same judge who allowed her to continue her treatment at Betty Ford instead of forcing her back to jail in October.  A new court date is expected to be scheduled for February 1, and Linds might be efffed.



FUH REAL why can't she just stay out of trouble?  She's like the younger, female version of Charlie Sheen!  Except, maybe she'll get Charlie Sheen's luck too and manage to avoid the slammer over this...

Lindsay VS: a rehab staff member

This is just what Lindsay Lohan needs, isn't it?

The actress, currently in treatment at the Betty Ford centre, became a suspect in a criminal battery investigation after a staff member, named Dawn Holland, accused LiLo of attacking her.  This Dawn woman wants Lindsay to be charged while Lindsay was gunning for Dawn to get fired-- which eventually happened once the idiot (under a confidentiality agreement) blabbed to TMZ.



Here's what you need to know...



Dawn's side of the story as retold by Bri: "FUH REAL.  I was simply minding my business when this drunken redhead stumbled in the Betty Ford clinic with a gang of other patients!  They were all out drinking ALCOHOL and had just hopped the wall, trying to get back to their rooms unnoticed... Pffft... But I have ninja skillz and busted their asses!  I said, 'Yo! Lohan! Breathalyzer, stat!' to which the betch replied, 'Awww hellz no!' and jumped me!  Now my wristie hurts and now I'm on workers comp.  Oweee."



Lindsay's side of the story as retold by Bri: "Like, ughhh.  So not fair, right?  I was just out getting my hair done and came home like 10 minutes late, so not a big deal, and this jealous bitch starts yelling at me.  It's not my fault I have the hair of a ginger goddess and she's stuck with that nest on her head but whatevz.  So like, she starts accusing me of being drunk and I was SO not.  I said, 'I'll gladly provide you with a breathalyzer test, madam' but then she totally flipped and attacked me.  I started to cry cuz she was sooo, like, scary, then I called 9-1-1 and told on her!  Hmmph!"



Clearly they're BOTH exaggerating.  I'm sure the real story is somewhere in the middle.  I'm also sure these two need to hug and make up.

Prince Charles attacked!

Yes it SUCKS that tuition just got majorly raised in the UK, and obviously the students must blame it on the upcoming royal wedding or something... because they have lashed out at Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles.



People reports the old Prince and his wifey were on their way to an "engagement" tonight, having a lovely drive in their Rolls Royce through the London shopping district when protesters started kicking the car and cracked a window.  And then white paint was thrown!  Noooo...

Probably shouldn't have been flaunting your Rolls Royce in front of starving, angry students though but still... not cool.  Doesn't the government make these decisions??  Prince Charles didn't have anything to do with this shit!



Anyway, the best part of this story is the statement from the Prince's rep who says, "We can confirm that their Royal Highnesses' car was attacked by protesters on the way to their engagement at the London Palladium this evening," WAIT FOR IT... "Their Royal Highnesses are unharmed."



HAHA you got that?  Their royal hineys are just fine, okay?